Daily Archives: August 18, 2003

Tossed aloft by

Winds that sweep the prairie soil

Blowing who knows where,

Clouding the air,

Till dark as night

It moves along.

 

And with it goes

The hearts of prairie men

Dried up and broken from too much

Tilling of the soil.

 

Dreams like the dust

Blow off into the sky

Obscured by reason

Till they fade away and hope is gone.

Still the dust

Blows on.

 

Our fathers feet were

Planted deeply here

Now ours are torn by wind and drought

And we move on.

Hunched down under

The weight of all you are

You want to get out of this crowd of fools

It’s an upward struggle

And they’re pushing you  

Towards the edge of the abyss

And you want to run

 

You can’t leave it behind

Drag it like a ball and chain

The weight of your world,

All your generation,

You want to make them see

All that they could be

All that they are becoming.

 

But they’re moving blind

And they’re not moving up.

No ones moving towards the light.

 

The edge seems ever closer

As feet slip towards

The chasm of lost souls.

And you want to yell

But no one listens as you scream.

They’re moving on

 Like the scum on a stream.

 

Like a living nightmare

Like an unvoiced scream

You can watch it happen

Like on a muted screen

They keep moving, moving

You’re pushed aside by the crowd

And you’re trampled down

 

They’re moving on

But not moving up.

No ones even looking towards the light.

 

And you want to scream

But no sound comes out

You’re trapped inside

And you can’t get out

Till you grab ahold

Of his bleeding hands

And he lifts you up.

 

Now you’re moving on

On a brand new path

You’re moving steady towards the light.

I’m mad at you God.

I wanted it all to be perfect

A loving husband and good kids

That did what I expected

Now look at what You’ve done!

 

Did I not follow where You led?

Did I not listen?

What happened to the plans

That I concocted?

What are You doing?

 

It hurts to be a mother

With all my parent wishes.

I’ve tried to do Your will

I’ve tried to teach them

How can they banish You ?

 

I’ve still no answers

To my anguished pleas

When will they see?

When will they hear?

God please answer me!

 

I look up for Your face

Can’t see for tears

Feel nothing now but love

In my pain, You take me in Your arms

And say I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

Why do you get so sentimental on the one day of the year honoring mothers?

Do you think somehow one day will compensate for all the times when in frustration

I have asked for help and been ignored?

Is this a day to scrub clean the slate of misdemeanors?

To right the list of everything gone wrong?

 

I am a mother and feel abused by good intentions to glorify my role by shallow means.

You ask me what I would like to have, to do, on this one day

And quietly I say We could go out for dinner.”

When all I want could not in a million dinners

Not in a million days be satisfied.

 

My child by birth or melded to my heart by choice, look deep into my eyes.

I want you to enjoy all life’s best things, accomplish where I’ve failed, sing where I’ve cried.

I’d have you search what heaven alone can give.

Your gift most precious to me’d be

A life of faith that’s lived in joy for God.

Everything I really wish for seems, 

All my unspoken dreams,

So out of reach.

My attitude so self absorbed

Grace hardest to achieve.

 

Sleepless, I sit awake at night.

Machining words in space.

Confession costs

If I confess, then I must  change

And what if I cannot?

 

Sometimes I hate the ones I love

And tottering on the brink

Of violence.

Slash with words irretrievable

Once they are spoken.

 

O Great God my Father!

In love you promised me

Forgiveness.

Redeem, Please make me yours again.

And set me free.

We have the best climbing tree in all the town.

Under its shade and in its branches

Things go on that only it could tell.

Children climb

Lovers cling

And insobriety takes a rest.

 

Do they think you don’t know, O ancient wood

And store it up within

Veins among pith and resin?

You watch silent

They unaware

That you report to the Almighty.

It is harder to write of joy

Than sorrow.

But one without the other

Is either

Heaven

Or Hell

 

To be filled with irrepressible

Delight

Is a pleasure known only

To long

Time

Lovers.

 

So do not strive too hard

For pleasure.

It comes unfettered

Only

In the

Hereafter.

It was a Holy moment,

The breaking of the bread

The drinking of the wine

The passing of the peace

In reverent liturgy.

 

It was a Holy moment

It is finished”

Taking the torture for me

My heart so hard.

Doing it anyway.

 

The moment waits. Auspicious,

In quiet pursuit, wanting,

Or unable, by my wooden head,

To bring the mystery to bear

As it should on my soul.

 

It circles the edge of my soul

Trying to enter

To bring reason and order

To the confusing themes

Of everyday life.

 

But I miss

Grasping the pierced hands.

Clinging to my own marred

Dreams of ambition.

Slipping t’wards oblivion.

 

So I remain, holding

My own fate in my deformed claws

Grasping at straws while

Eternity waits

Ever so patiently waits.

Famined          

 

Hunger hardly tells the half of it.

Famined is more like it.

The deep pit of the belly reels.

The very inner self cries for food.

 

Skin and sinews left on bones.

Bellies round and full of nothing.

Eyes black in their sunken sockets.

Flies circle waiting for their prey.

 

A mother keens for the child

Suckling at her shriveled breast.

Knowing the end is soon

Too soon for her first and last born.

 

God take them quickly

Let them drink from your life giving stream

Feast them at your table.

While we, satiated, rot in our own garbage.

Attributes        

 

Holy

Like communion wine

At the last supper

 

Bread

Of heaven come down

To feed our souls

 

Light

Inside our dark

And ignorant ways

 

Wisdom

Beyond comprehension

His ways never wrong

 

Eternal

Before Moses was

He is the I AM

 

 

Easter 2003