What Creates the Desire?

All my life I have struggled with the knowledge that I needed to study the Bible vs my lack of motivation to do so on a consistant basis.  I would become inspired – for a short time – and then my enthusiasm would disipate.

I can remember subscribing to a young Christian magazine which helped me to maintain my Bible reading momentum for a while.  Then it gradually petered out.  Sometimes it would rekindle, like a hot spot rekindles after a wild forest fire.  It would sometimes be ignited by an interesting study or topic that would catch my interest. But the fire seemed easily dampened down again. 

Worst of all, I knew better.  I knew that I needed this contact with God to grow.  But it was hard to maintain the interest.  I just didn’t long for God’s word that much.  I wanted him to be there but other stuff got in the way of my needing to study what he said. 

This situation didn’t change much the whole time from young adulthood til this past year.  Being a missionary does not mean that you are any more likely to be a student of the word of God than any other Christian.  

Then all of a sudden something seems to have happened.  I became more and more aware that I needed help dealing with some of the struggles my kids were going through.  So I got some help.  Leo and I did some serious talking, God provided a wise counselor and some significant stuff happened, like my decision to spend a lot of time in prayer for my family.  Somehow God stepped in – I asked him of course but that had happened before without a lot of change on my part. 

I am still trying to figure out what on earth made the change happen. How do you get from empty to full?  How does an unquenchable thirst develope?   How do I keep it from going away?  Because I don’t want it to.  Ever.  It would be like losing my life. 

So I guess that is where I see my community of faith coming in.  It is a place (besides here on this blog where you can choose to read or not)where I can express myself and be understood, where my faith should be challenged and built stronger, where my hunger for knowing more of God should be fed.  A place that will give me a launching pad out into the world I work and live in.  And thanks to some of you out in the blogesphere who, though you are far away geographically, are also becoming part of my supportive community of faith.