All my life I have struggled with the knowledge that I needed to study the Bible vs my lack of motivation to do so on a consistant basis. I would become inspired – for a short time – and then my enthusiasm would disipate.
I can remember subscribing to a young Christian magazine which helped me to maintain my Bible reading momentum for a while. Then it gradually petered out. Sometimes it would rekindle, like a hot spot rekindles after a wild forest fire. It would sometimes be ignited by an interesting study or topic that would catch my interest. But the fire seemed easily dampened down again.
Worst of all, I knew better. I knew that I needed this contact with God to grow. But it was hard to maintain the interest. I just didn’t long for God’s word that much. I wanted him to be there but other stuff got in the way of my needing to study what he said.
This situation didn’t change much the whole time from young adulthood til this past year. Being a missionary does not mean that you are any more likely to be immersed in God’s word than any other Christian.
Then all of a sudden something seems to have happened. I became more and more aware that I needed help dealing with some of the struggles my kids were going through. So I got some help. Leo and I did some serious talking, God provided a wise counselor and some significant stuff happened, like my decision to spend a lot of time in prayer for my family. Somehow God stepped in – I asked him of course but that had happened before without a lot of change on my part.
I am still trying to figure out what on earth made the change happen. How do you get from empty to full? How does an unquenchable thirst develope? How do I keep it from going away? Because I don’t want it to. Ever. It would be like losing my life.
I think that the change had a lot to do with my feelings of desperation. I knew I needed help from beyond myself. I needed God so badly for understanding and wisdom and I needed to let him take charge. My needs were way beyond what I could fix on my own.
So I guess that is where I see my community of faith coming in. It is a place (besides here on this blog where you can choose to read or not)where I can express myself and be understood, where my faith should be challenged and built stronger, where my hunger for knowing more of God should be fed. A place that will give me a launching pad out into the world I work and live in. And thanks to some of you out in the blogesphere who, though you are far away geographically, are also becoming part of my supportive community of faith.
LineaLanoie's Weblog 
Yeah, it’s obvious to me how your faith is on an upward climb. I too, in my most desparate times and when I have felt God farthest from me – that is when He has come to me and covered me and blessed me. I’m learning to be in His constant presence, moment by moment, all my thoughts always returning to that life-giving font, being washed and renewed ready to offer it to others….the road is long…..but it’s good to be on the walk with you, Linea…..
Thanks for sharing that part of your story. I too wonder at the thirst/lack of thirst that has always been part of my journey. Lot’s of time it takes some form of “kicking out my props” to return me to desperate thirsting.
I spoke from Daniel 3 last Sunday and pondered how sometimes God saves us from the fire, but at least for me, usually he meets me in the fire!
On the Way,
Steve
I seem to be a little late here.
The hot and cold thing is normal human nature – we blow warm, then cool by turns. Take relationships with partners, for example, where there are moments of intense love and moments of entirely casual relationship.
Yet The hunger for God seems to be subtly different, and dependent on different things, especially our maturity and desperation. Speaking personally, in the past I’ve looked to God to move me: whether it’s raising my hands in worship or wanting to pray.
More recently though I’ve felt God start suggesting that I should stir myself. In a worship meeting, do I feel uplifted? Not immediately, yet when I stir the spirit within me, He’s there. When we pray, do I feel an overwhelming urge to kneel before him? Not really, yet when I do, again He’s there. I’m hungry, sure, but now it’s like I have to push myself into His presence, not just float there automatically.
I’ve always fought the idea of kneeling at the rail because it’s the thing everyone does, yet God seems to be saying to me “I want you to do it, stir yourself”. Sometimes I wonder if I place too great an emphasis on spontaneity, when I should remember duty.
Toni
I think I agree with you, duty performed can lead to devotion. Choosing to perform the duty, choosing to love one’s life partner leads to greater devotion and love even if the feeling is not always there to start with. I know we go through warm and cold spells and that is part of the natural rythmn of things.
I think something fundamental happened to change the depth of my relationship with God. I think it had a lot to do with my needing Him so much and my finding Him in a profound way. It still is a bit of a mystery to me.
And I want to be part of a faith community where my relationship with God will be nurtured and the roots grown even deeper.