Monthly Archives: September 2003

Beyond Dryness

Arid
Is the seat of my soul.
Beyond dryness,
Beyond needing a little rain,
Parched,
With the surface cracking
‘To crust and fissure.

Who am I
To come to you, God,
Seeking
Solace.  Drip
Drops of water on
My parched heart
So it will beat again.

Lead me
To the edge of your river.
Urge me to drink.
In your abundance
Bathe me, till
Even my outer crust is soft
With love for you.

 

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Work and Meetings, Meetings

There wasn’t much time for much else today.  Up at 6:00, off to work till 5:00.  Pick up one child and get to a meeting by 5:30 and straight from that meeting to a congregational meeting at the church.  Home and all is quiet – kids are in bed but I didn’t even see them today but for a few short minutes.

The meeting at 5:30 was a necessary one for work.  The Federal Government has instituted new privacy legislation which means getting a more general consent for release of information for First Nations people.  There is a lot of resistance to it.  It is probably mostly poorly understood.  We dentists kind of get caught in the middle.  Sometimes we need information.  We can’t get it unless the patient has signed a release.  First Nations people are being told by most of their bands not to sign it.  The people at medical services are not allowed to give us the info we need.  Kind of like we are all running in little circles around each other but never crossing paths.

Anyways, we have a high percentage of First Nations people in our practice so we get a visit from the Regional director and staff person tomorrow.  And it is one of my sedation days so they will get an earful (of screaming kids most likely).

I had one of those rush and gulp meals from McD’s on my way to the church and got there in time to give my deacon report.  I felt a bit like most of my report was – we are planning such and such – dates and times to be announced when we know more about what we are doing.  I often feel like I don’t and can’t give enough time to making sure the events we want to have come about.  I think a more organized person could do all of this much better.  Oh well, I guess they are stuck with me.  I do try but I get spread too thin.

And tomorrow – sedations again.  They are stressfull for all of us but mostly for my staff.  I saw a little guy today – well sort of saw him.  His dad tried to hold him in the chair while I got a look in his mouth.  I felt like the safety of my fingers was in serious jeoprody.  He spit and kicked and screamed.  Three years old and only 6 teeth left in his mouth and now one more is abcessed.  It is very sad but no wonder he fought considering his past experiences.  Giving a kid a medication that wipes out the memory of such traumatic events is a good second choice when it comes to managing these kids’ care.  An even better one is to teach the parenting skills needed to have parents provide the care that would prevent such dental disasters.

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So I blew up just a little…

Sometimes at the end of the day everything just seems to have run out of steam.  I am tired and had to pick up kids then make supper and then go back out for groceries.  With all the festivities this weekend there wasn’t much time for the regular chores.  And the kids all seem to be so busy that the old schedule for household jobs just isn’t working.  I used to come home after work and one of the kids would have supper made or well on it’s way to being ready.  Now it is rare to come home and have anyone else here.  And if they are here, we probably have to go somewhere. 

So I blew up just a little at the kids tonight.  Sometimes they just don’t use their heads.  Tonight when one of them came home they ate someone else’s supper and that someone was pretty mad.  Can’t say as I blame them but it makes for generalized grumpiness around here. Could have all been spared this with a little considerate behaviour.

And then as I am trying to wash up some things in the sink, there is no hot water.  This furnace/boiler of ours has been a terrible pain – always breaking down and now winter is on the way so it has to work or we could be in big trouble.  And this furnace is not old – only about three years.  Very frustrating.

So I guess I should just go to bed, get a good sleep and maybe things will look better in the morning.  If I have to have a cold shower I think I will cry.

Update:    We got the furnace going again – had to reset it.  But why it quit?  I have no clue so I wonder when it will quit again?  You know what I mean? 

And the kids?  Well I hope their day is better today and that they actually listened and do the chores they agreed to do.  And I need to back off and let them do them without – well – blowing up too quickly!

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The Drive

Becoming independent

 

Part of becoming independent is learning how to drive. 

Today we were doing just that learning to drive.

The car jerks backwards. 

The trip

down

     our convoluted driveway

 takes five tries

and then we switch.

The lesson can be retried again till it is done with ease another day.

 

Out on the straight streets

The car moves smoothly, the speed good

Till the corner when

                                     It is

                                            Obvious

                                     That we’ve

                                Swung a little

                        Too wide.

Need to work on that.

 

Then on to lane switches.

Not too bad,

Good shoulder checking.

No screeching brakes from other lanes yet.

The turns are getting better.

The four way stop’s a breeze.

Then we                              to try parallel parking.

                switch drivers —     

Not too bad.

No dents or scratches yet!

 

Okay all you drivers passing us!

Be patient.

You learned once too!

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Triple

We have a kitten.  I have never been a real cat lover – tending to like dogs more than cats.  I think dogs are more trainable and maybe return affection to their masters in different ways than cats.

But Michelle, my daughter-in-law found this little kitten in the hedge by her moms house out north of town.  We have no idea how he got there or what happened to him but somewhere along the way he lost a leg.  If it had just been a well kitten, it would have taken up residence amoung the many cats at the farm.  But this little guy wouldn’t stand a chance on his own on a farm.  Not with only three legs.  Especially since the stump has not healed over very well.

Like Michelle, I have a soft spot for “weak little things”.  The kitten needed a place, needed antibiotics and a bit of extra care.  So we are now ( I claim him as mine) cat owners.  Our dog was a bit miffed but the kitten had enough spunk to put her in her place right away.  A tiny hiss and a swat to the nose did it.  Now the kitten can eat in peace and has the run of the house.

His name is Triple.  Tripy for short.  He snuggles up beside me as I write here this morning, trying to get my attention by batting at the back of my elbow.

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Red Cards and Birthdays

Wow, this was a busy weekend.  And it’s not quite over yet.  I am feeling like there have been too many parties in the last two days.

Last night we went to the Red Card Cabaret.  This was the first annual big fund raiser for soccer.  It was planned to raise funds to send Sara’s team to Nationals in Halifax – but then they lost in the finals so they won’t nned the funds for themselves.  We decided to raise money anyway since we had already planned the event.  So if any team gets to that level they will have some funds to start out with.  We figure that if this is done every year, it will make it easier for the team taht will eventually go to  some playoff without the parents having to work like crazy to get enough funds.

And it turned out to be a fun evening.  Randall and Lauralea went with us and Lauralea won a doorprize.  Leo and I got to know some of the other soccer parents better and although it was lots of work it was fun too.

Today was the birthday celebration for my aunt.  She is going to be 80 on Wednesday.  We had a come and go tea for her and about 300 people showed up.  Aunty Florence is everyone’s auntie.  And Auntie Florence is how she is known to just about everyone in town.  But she really is my auntie.  She was my idol when I was little – I wanted to grow up to be just like her.  She is about as close to a saint as a person can get on this earth.  I’m not quite as much like her in that way! 

I must say the only thing not saintly about her is her driving – it is getting scary.  But the reasons why she needs to drive are saintly – she is always giving some one of her friends and aquaintances a ride.  And for years I depended on her to drive my children to their lessons while I was at work.  My kids loved having Auntie Florence pick them up.  She is a bit of a pushover when it comes to saying no to them and they would only have to mention that they were hungry and she would take them to A&W or McD’s. 

Anyway, I have about had enough late nights for this weekend and I am heading for my soft soft pillow.  Good night.

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And Shouldn't These Arms Be Black?

News of the death of  Bela on July 18, 2003  arrived by e-mail on Thursday .  News travels slowly sometimes – maybe no one thought the news was important.  Bela abnegated her motherhood early, probably too young to have much choice, choosing a lifestyle full of risks instead.   

 

Psalm 10: 17

 

Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless.

Surely you will listen to their cries and comfort them.

 

Peace to the memory of Bela who gave us one of our most wonderful daughters.

 

And shouldn’t these arms be black?

 

The news comes.  Words;

Hard, cold and stark,

Stripped of tender intonation.

A death two full months past

Rips a strip of hope

From my young one’s heart.

Grief and tears flow forth,

Spilling in drops on my shoulders

As I hold her.

 

And shouldn’t these arms be black?

Should she not cradled be

By blood bonded love?

I feel a helpless stranger,

Intruder to the pain,

That I can never truly feel.

The mother’s arms

That never held her close,

Gone now forever.

 

She’s learned to shed her tears with me.

Arms willing to the task

Hold her in grief,

My pale hands

Caress her dark head.

God, you only know

How wrenched away are dreams,

The might have beens”,

She grieves for.

 

 

Psalm 27: 9 and 10

 

Don’t leave me now;

Don’t abandon me,

O God of my salvation!

Even if my father and my mother abandon me,

The Lord will hold me close.

 

Teach me how to live, O Lord.

 

 

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In my wanderings

In my wanderings around the web I have come across a blog that to me is full of words that inspire and fascinate me at the same time.  Check out Vivid and read the authors rendition of Psalm 88 – beautiful.

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The Handling of My Hand

As I go off to work again this morning, I want to share a prayer for the day from Esther de Waal’s book The Celtic Way of Prayer.  Part of the significance of this prayer to me is the phrase “Bless to me, O God, The handling of my hand”.  I work with my hands.  I use my hands to bring healing and repair to broken down mouths.  Often the people who come need more than just their teeth repaired.  My part in repairing broken people often seems pretty insignificant in the light of the fact that the parts that really need fixing are somewhere deep inside.  But I also believe that God can use the handling of my hands in ways beyond the superficial repair of teeth.  So God, I give you my hands again today – use them for your work. 

 

 

Bless to me, O God,

My soul and my body;

Bless to me, O God,

My belief and my condition;

 

Bless to me, O God,

My heart and my speech,

And bless to me, O God,

The handling of my hand;

 

Strength and busyness of morning,

Habit and temper of modesty,

Force and wisdom of thought,

And Thine own path, O God of virtues,

Till I go to sleep at night;

 

Thine own path, O God of virtues,

Till I go to sleep this night.

 

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Grey skies and moods

The skies are really grey overhead today.  The f” word has been spoken by the weather people that’s flurries” by the way.  The day is dreary and cold with a biting wind.  A fire in the fireplace would be nice tonight. I think it will freeze tonight it only made it up to about 7 oC here today.

 

On days like today, the weather seems to reflect my mood as well.  I seem to need the exposure to sunlight as much as a plant otherwise I tend to sink into a mild depression – an experience common enough to be recognized as a general problem today at school by one of my teenagers. 

 

And it has been a day of feeling a certain distance from God.  I know that weather is a stupid reason to feel far from God but that is the way it was today.  I had to tell myself that in spite of the clouds and my own depressed mood, God is no less by my side today. He is my ever present, unchanging Father.

 

         Psalm 145: 17 to 19

 

         The Lord is righteous in everything he does;

                he is filled with kindness.

          The Lord is close to all who call on him,

                yes, to all who call on him sincerely.

          He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;

                he hears their cries for help and rescues

          them. 

           

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