Sara really wanted to go to a party at one of her friends houses. The parents were going to be there and about 15 other teenagers all about 15 years old. Sounded OK till she told me there would be alcohol there. And that the parents were OK with them having alcohol to drink if the kids brought their own.
Now we are not a dry household. But it is one thing to offer my own child a drink under my supervision and another to have them offered or allowed to drink in another person’s home when they are only 15.
So I struggled with what to do. She was open and honest about this with me. She did not intend to drink herself and I trusted her on that. But it bothers me that in order to have a fun party there has to be alcohol served – especially at this age.
So we discussed it and I agonized over it. I am not a very legalistic parent with cut and dried rules. If I was, I wouldn’t have these difficult situations to face. But that just isn’t me so there you are – I had to decide whether she could go or not. And she would have agreed to not go if I absolutely said no.
We came up with a bit of a compromise. She could go but I would set the curfew because I would be picking her up.
She mixed up some concoction she was introduced to in Alberta – 5 Alive and cream soda – and filled her Nalgene bottle.
About an hour before the curfew we had decided on she called me to come and get her. She had been playing soccer half the day and was just too tired to stay out any longer.
The other kids all liked her drink and wanted to know what “alcohol”she had put in it. Cool – cause it was 100% alcohol free. She got a kick out of that!
Sometimes God is just cool the way he looks after situations. And one of her friends has decided that she would like to change “religions” (which I think means churches – to which I doubt she goes much now) and come with Sara to her church. So we’ll see.
LineaLanoie's Weblog 
Good to hear how the grace of God is still at work in your family.
🙂
I think you handled that really well. Parents of teens are faced with so many difficult decisions like that. Something similar happened with my daughter and her senior spring break trip. She had planned to go with a friend to Daytona, with a cruise to the Bahamas, in which I am sure the kids would be free to drink. I told Amy about my misgivings, and I agreed to go to an informational meeting about the trip. Then, just before I was to leave for the meeting, Amy told me she and her friend had changed their minds. They had heard some things about the tour group that really shook their confidence in its trustworthiness. Problem solved — for now.
Gosh, I have been there too. I can still see my dad, after one particularly indulgent teenage party, standing outside the bathroom door as I emptied my stomach of stupidity, gently getting me through that and trying to instill some sense of moderation. They want to try grown-up things and they’re not nearly grown up enough.
My daughter has certainly had her share of adventures with alcohol (I don’t usually ask, now that she’s almost 20), but a lot of these were “formal” parties where they all dressed up and tried to play adult, and the parents involved agreed to provide a little wine but took all the car keys, just in case. It’s hard to know when to loosen the leash and when to tighten. And mostly, I think, they discover that they just want to stay kids a little longer.
Good luck, Linea. Sounds like you’re doing just the right things.