Visiting tonight.

Tonight’s visit was hard.  I don’t know that much has changed with Dad but it hurt me more tonight.  Maybe I am just tired.  It was hard to see him fussing with his restraints, disoriented and wanting to get up out of his chair but not able to do any of those things on his own anymore. 

There isn’t much more to say.  We did talk -such as that is – rather a convoluted conversation, much of it not making a bit of sense.  He looked at me a few minutes and then said, “It’s always good to have a visit from you , Linea.”  So he still recognises me.  Small comfort.  My heart is crying.

It is as if he is sitting there in his wheelchair outside the door to heaven, trying to figure out how the doorknob works so he can get through the door into that much better place.  Darn doorknob!  I wish he could get the thing open so he’d be free of those restraints.