Monthly Archives: December 2004

Disappointment With God

There are some books which affect me so much that I have to go back and reread them again; usually more slowly the second time.  They are like a fine liqueur; sweet and strong, appreciated in small amounts, savoured.  Phillip Yancey’s book, Disappointment With God, is one of these books to be read slowly; to return to over and over again. 

I suppose the book is so meaningful for me because the situations he addresses fit the circumstances of my life. It came at just the right time.

I have been struggling with the fact that my father has Alzheimer’s disease.   As I watch my father’s illness advance, I feel as if I am watching a preview of my own future.  I have been fighting the whole idea that this may be what life dishes out for me.  This makes me angry.  It makes me want to be able to decide my own fate.  I want God to take this disease out of my picture. 

I think mostly I am just expressing some very selfish feelings about wanting to maintain my mental capabilities above all else. I don’t like the scenario I see playing itself out in my Dad’s life.  So I have spent some time protesting, begging for a better way to go, an easier route to the end.  Instead God helps me find this book.  In it I see a different point of view as Yancey explores the story of Job. 

In this book, my attention is directed to the promise of God’s constant presence as we struggle through life.  Nowhere does God promise us a trouble free or painless life. The world is a flawed place; something has gone terribly amuck with his perfect plan for it, so these things happen.  Is there a reason for this kind of suffering?  God only knows.   He doesn’t give me some good sounding reason nor does he promise me that I will be spared.  God does tell me that he feels and understands the pain a disease like this causes.

Life was also painful for Jesus – God himself.  He has lived within the limits of our humanness and knows what it feels like to be hurt and seemingly abandoned by God. It is comforting to me to know that God knows our condition.  He’s been there and he will walk with us through our dark days. 

As I read this book, I began to understand a bit more of what Christ’s coming to earth really means.  He chose to experience the limitations of our humanness so that we could see and know how much he loves us. Maybe that is my part in the struggle going on in the cosmos – just to trust and not lose hope.  To stand firm in my faith no matter what comes knowing that God does care and that I never have to endure life all on my own.

Funny how when I get to the end of my ability to understand, when I rebel at what life dishes out for me, when I begin to cry out in agony to God with my fears; that is when I sense God’s provision for me the most.  That is when I begin to know with more certainty that he is God and that he cares.  That is when I feel my quest to know God has maybe gone one tiny baby step in the right direction.


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Here's a cool site

Found this Advent calendar via Jordon 

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Halfway through

Time keeps moving on and going faster it seems.  Preparing for the coming of Christ is what Advent is all about.  Remember to take a few minutes from your rushing around and do that.  Remember a couple of good sites – Prepare the Way and Following the Star.

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Getting into the spirit of things

It helps to get into the Christmas spirit when all the trees are decorated in sparkling white.

So tonight the lights went onto our tree, some silver garland and the ornaments we have collected over the last ten years.  Our rather “interesting” Fraser fir with it’s crooked top and not too even trim has been transformed into a thing of beauty. 

We are starting to get ready.  Even the Tourtiere is made – all six of them.  But now there are only 5.  At this rate I will be making more before Christmas.

And today, early I celebrated a little of my Swedish heritage by going to Birdie’s Santa Lucia celebration.  Yum – cardamom rolls and spicy cookies and best of all – good strong coffee.

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To think about

Ephesians 4: 9 and 10

” …Christ first came down to the lowly world in which we live.  The same one who came down is the one who ascended higher than all the heavens, so that his rule might fill the entire universe. “

We have a lot to celebrate.

So I am off to a St. Lucia Day breakfast to celebrate our preparations for Christ’s coming, friendships and my Swedish heritage.

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Partying On

The party season started for me yesterday.  First one – our dental lab.  The owners at South Hill are taking a trip back to Chili at Christmas this year so now their party is done and they can start packing.  Best feature of their annual get together, besides themselves, was the homemade salsa.  Was a great compliment to the turkey sandwich.

Tonight we are off to Leo’s staff party – always a big affair with several hundred people.  He has to be there at the beginning since he is saying grace.  And I had better go and get ready!

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Needing a laugh?

One of the funniest stories I have read in a long time.  Thanks Bene Diction!  Anyone have a story that can beat that one?

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Why don't they ask???

It has been a busy week and so not a lot of blogging hs been done.  I’m just trying to keep up with myself, work, kids, family stuff. 

Lat night I thought I might make it to get a few things done and get to bed before 11pm. 

Daughter decides to bake muffins at about 10:15.  Ok, I say, if you clean up and run the dishwasher. 

I forgot – we were out of dishwasher soap.  She decides to use dish detergent. 

Bad Idea!!!!!!!

Hollers for mom.  Suds oozing out from the bottom of the dishwasher.  Suds in the sink coming out of the drain.  Bailing out the sudsy water.  Finally about 11:30 deciding to wait till the morning when hopefully the suds will have lost their fluff. 

Tired mom went off to bed.  Didn’t sleep well.  Got up early and dealt with the dishwasher. 

We’ll try again tonight – to get to bed early.  Oh yeah – meeting planned for 9:30 pm tonight.  Maybe a nap after supper.

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Dedication Sunday

Today my grandson, Kieran, was dedicated by his parents to God.  Blessed. 

His grandma thanks God – for Kieran and for many things about this day.

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More thoughts on freedom and law

This is in response to some comments on my last entry.  Comments are limited in their usefulness in responding.  I needed time to think things out so I could try and put them down in writing.  This is long so …

The quotations of scripture are from the New Living Translation.
Philippians 3:9

 “I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God’s law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.”

But  Paul also says in 1 Corinthians 10: 23, 24 and 29b to 33:

23You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is helpful. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is beneficial. 24Don’t think only of your own good. Think of other Christians and what is best for them…

29…Now, why should my freedom be limited by what someone else thinks? 30If I can thank God for the food and enjoy it, why should I be condemned for eating it? 31Whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, you must do all for the glory of God. 32Don’t give offense to Jews or Gentiles or the church of God. 33That is the plan I follow, too. I try to please everyone in everything I do. I don’t just do what I like or what is best for me, but what is best for them so they may be saved.

Galatians 4 and 5

I think you have to read the two chapters in Galatians together.  I don’t think that there is much contradiction between these two chapters.  When you get to Galatians 5:18, Paul says, “But when you are directed by the Holy Spirit, you are no longer subject to the law.” Then in vs. 22 and 23, “But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

I grew up a rule keeper.  I didn’t watch movies; listen to popular music, smoke, drink, dance, party.  I went to church and other “Christian” activities. I was a good kid and even tried not to embarass my parents too much. I was a good student.  I learned to love God as I knew him and to love and care for those in need.  The rules didn’t seem hard at the time but I know I was not at ease in the “world” or with non-Christian friends.  That being cut off from the world however was sort of like part of the package deal of living for Christ. I believe that those who helped plant my faith in God did not intend to make the faith legalistic.  They did the best they knew how but the whole atmosphere of the church was one of adherence to a set of standards as the hallmark of faith. 

My parents lived under these rules too.  Yet the faith which I saw in them was not just observance of rules – it was deeper and manifested itself in love and concern for others.  So I saw faith lived out and tolerance for others practiced.  Watching them, I learned to love God in ways that went beyond just obeying rules. 

By the time I entered university I had dropped adherence to some of the rules but others had become comfortable and important to practicing my faith.  These rules I either tried to impose on other people who were interested in the Christian faith or used them to keep myself separate.  I most likely alienated my fair share of people who may have found God if I had been less hung up on rules and behavioral standards. I did not intend to change. I didn’t even know I needed to change until I was confronted with faith that was clearly as valid as mine – just that the rules didn’t match up.  I believe God was beginning to teach me that he was about more than living up to standards.  I also broke some of the rules I knew were very important; so, as I was learning that God was bigger than my own small set of rules, I found myself guilty of breaking some which I knew were not just petty rules.  When you violate some of your deep principles, guilt is hard to let go of.

Finally, I got the fact that God’s grace was really sufficient and that only his grace was enough.  My guilt and a lot of my fears were just kind of dropped; like a heavy load that you hang on to for a long time and then your fingers fail and it all slips out of your grasp.  They were too heavy and I have no intention of picking them up again (although every now and then I lift a corner to see if maybe I could pick them up again – forget it – they are still heavy).

Maybe I see this whole thing – the dichotomy between the law and freedom – is that Jesus by fulfilling the law became the one we were to follow rather than the law itself.  Having our lives conform to his then means we are in fact carrying out what God intended by giving the law; that the whole intent of the law was to enable us to live in relationship with God, pleasing him as we were created to do.

To me the passages written by Paul setting out how not to live are not attempts to set new rules to follow or even restatement of the old law.  They are counterbalanced by his talking about a whole new way of living; admonitions to demonstrate evidence of the Holy Spirit being in control. 

Because I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and he has promised to send the Holy Spirit to me to help me, I want the Holy Spirit to control me, to teach me and to bring my life into conformity with the life that Jesus has planned for me.  I seek closeness with God.

If the Christian life were simply a matter of following the rules it would possibly be clearer – not free but more precise, with well defined limits.  If God were a distant God we would need the set of rules.  Instead God offers us this intimate relationship of love; like children to a father, like a bride to a husband; which is more complicated while at the same time being simpler.  I want, above all else, to maintain this relationship. In my marriage I am faithful to my husband because of love for him not because of the rules of a contract which I entered into.  Likewise, my relationship to God is maintained by my desire to be his and his love for me, not by my compliance to the law.

I am compelled by the desire to maintain and deepen the relationship with God; to look to God for what he wants.  This I find in his word as I read it and as the Spirit of Jesus reveals things to me from it.  I have to talk with him.  Since God is real, living and present with me, he is constantly available to me for help.  So I have this simple directive – follow Christ’s example.  In all honesty, that can be a whole lot more complicated that a simple set of rules.

So this freedom that Christ bought at such a price is what I believe he wants us to experience.  I am not totally free of the desire to get my own way but, when I do, my relationship with Jesus suffers.  If I try to live life without him, I start to see the desires of my sinful nature take over.  Even if I succeed in living by the rules that are being pushed, I risk breaking off my relationship with Christ who wants me to rely totally on his grace not on my own efforts to adhere to a set of rules.  And success in abiding by the rules tends to inflate my own ego by engaging in a comparison with others who may glaringly fail.

In fact, I think that having rules sets us up for failure since if we keep them we tend to feel self righteous – and there we have failed again.  Living in a love relationship with Christ is a constant reminder that it is only by his grace that we live at all.

St Augustine of Hippo said all this much more succinctly in his famous statement, “Love God and do as you please”

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