Monthly Archives: September 2005

Or maybe it really is a form of group therapy since this is fairly public and anyone can comment?

In any case, this blogging space has become an outlet for my feelings.  I somehow can express my pain or joy in words written here.  It helps me deal with it in some concrete way.  It lets me get the emotion out where I can deal with it.  So I think it is a healthy and sometimes creative space.  I need this space, this method of expression.  I don’t know if what I write is profound or necessarily helpful for those of you who read it but it is good for me.  So if you don’t like it or find me depressing at times – just ignore me.  Write your own cheerful stuff, or beautiful stuff or profound political or theological stuff. 

Right now my stuff is just a reflection of my fairly shallow response to a profoundly good God.  Sometimes I can’t even see his goodness when I’m in pain.  But I have experienced enough of God to know that there is nothing better, no one else that will carry me through the bad stuff and cause me to grow in strength and in the knowledge of him. 

So if you wonder why on earth I would write some of the stuff I do, just cut me some slack.  I’m having a self-therapy session.  If I post a beautiful picture, I’m likely having a good day.  If I sound sad or pensive, throw up a prayer for me, I likely need it.

I awakened in the middle of the night.  It is the worst time for me – 2:30 am.  Sometimes when I wake at this hour it seems as if it is a prompting to talk to God about something.  But this time it was as if my head was full of stuffing.  I think I am just at the limits of the amount of stress I can handle – but who knows.  I am still managing to function.  There just seem too many things that I am going to have to manage tomorrow – well actually today already. 

I did get my new laptop. 

And that is good since my son has moved back home for awhile till his marriage gets sorted out and he will need to use the other computers for some of his work.

So David and Kieran are taking over Sara’s room.  Kieran will be with him some on the weekends at least and other times too I guess.  I came home yesterday and he was so upset.  It is hard to go and pick up your child from your wife who you still love deeply and have the fact that something has made her reject you hit you again.  He wants to work at restoring their relationship, she doesn’t seem to – at least not yet.  Pray for them.

From the Psalms – my reading for this day – Psalm 57 -selections from verses 1 to 3a and 7 to 11:

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!
       I look to you for protection.
    I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings
       until this violent storm is past.

       I cry out to God Most High,
       to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.

        He will send help from heaven to save me

 My heart is confident in you, O God;
       no wonder I can sing your praises!

   Wake up, my soul!
       Wake up, O harp and lyre!
       I will waken the dawn with my song.

     I will thank you, Lord, in front of all the people.
       I will sing your praises among the nations.

   For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens.
       Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

   Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.
       May your glory shine over all the earth.

The Psalms remind me of the goodness of God.  I need that.

Last night’s sunset did that too as did the evidence of the changing season; leaves are turning to gold.  God continues to hold this world in his hands, caring for even the littlest and most insignificant of us.

When life decides to get tough it seems to hit me with all the force of a Katrina.  Today was like that.  On top of a heavy week last week one of my suspicions seems to have materialized. 

I could use the prayers of all my praying friends.  I can’t say exactly what is happening just yet but pray for the stability of some of the people I love the most.  Pray for the God I know, who is love in its truest form, to work at changing hearts and minds.

Thanks my friends.