Monthly Archives: October 2005

October 10, 2005 · 9:25 am

On Grandmothers, Grandsons and God

I have been getting to know my grandson – one good thing that has come out of these days of broken relationships.  Yesterday and last night we spent a lot of time together.  And he had a good time.  A week ago he would have spent a lot more time crying. 

I also am beginning to learn first hand that family gatherings are hard times for those in the grieving process.  Absences are magnified and hurts are all too close to the surface.  In spite of family being there to support, there are times when we can’t.  We can’t take away pain.  We go on with our celebrations and in the midst of celebration pain becomes magnified for the hurting ones.  They do not want to spoil the day for everyone so they stay away.  So David stayed home, alone for Thanksgiving.  Kieran went with us over to his Great-grandmother’s place.

It was kind of cool, actually in some ways, that the celebration moved over to our house in the evening and the guys of the family gathered around David.  And then some friends of his called and he got to go and spend some time with them. 

Meanwhile Grandma babysat again.

A couple of things struck me about the relationship between Kieran and me.  I want to get to know him better.  I want him to know that I love him.  I know that if I am going to make this clear to him I can’t just say it; I can’t stay up on the adult plane of events and expect him to “get” the fact that I love him and want to know him.  I have to get down on his level when I want to play with him.  So I have spent a lot of time sitting on the floor, crawling around as he plays cars, picking him up to sit beside me so we can read or do puzzles.  I have to.  Otherwise he won’t feel my enjoyment in his play.  He won’t know that he has my undivided attention.  He won’t know that I want to play with him, be with him and love him.  He’s got to get to know me and he’s got to learn to trust that I love him.

There is a lot in this grandmother/grandchild relationship that reminds me of God and myself.  Can you imagine if he had not come down to our level?  He actually got down here and played in the stuff that makes up our lives.  And he has shown me many times that he is right down here beside me working through the stuff that puzzles me right now.  So I trust him –  I am learning to. 

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Filed under Day to Day

October 7, 2005 · 7:18 am

Part of the family

Thoughts just rolling around in my head about family.  Family will be around this weekend, it being Thanksgiving.  We’ll all be together for a big meal on Sunday – those of us in town and my sister and her family up from Moose Jaw.  She will come with all the baggage of her family struggles, I with mine.  We’ll talk and share them.  Maybe not much will change but the distribution of the load.  Maybe that will help. 

I was also thinking about age.  How now I am in the age where I have to be a support to adult children.  So where do I now look for support myself.   My dad and my elderly aunt need support themselves.  They can’t give it anymore.  So part of my support is my family.  Another good reason to keep strong family ties.  And a lot of support comes from my peers now.  Especially my faith community.  Another reason God put us in families and in communities.  We need each other.

Enjoy your families this weekend.  Be thankful for the people around you who are family to you in the truest sense of the word. 

And if you are far too young to have adult children – be thankful.  No really!  You have time to build the strong relationships you will need in the future.

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Filed under Dealing with stuff

October 4, 2005 · 9:37 pm

Fog

The fog this morning was thick; the moisture in the -8 degree air freezing as it touched the grass and trees.  Vision was limited.  It forced me to walk carefully.  Crossing the street, I could hear the traffic better than I could see it.   Today it took hours before the sun burned through the atmosphere warming it enough to burn off the mist and frost. 

Life seems to mirror the world around me.  Obscurity when clarity is needed.  Inability to see far ahead.  Learning to trust even when I don’t know where the path leads.  Learning to put one foot in front of the other even when I can’t see more than that into my future.  Trusting that in time God will burn away the fog that keeps me from knowing. 

Well, I guess that stage may not be in this life – the place where I can really know.  So for now I trust.  There is not much else to do when life is difficult and the future is uncertain and scary.  It is funny, I guess, but I trust that he will look after my kids – he said he would to me one night.  And even in the midst of agony, I see the seeds of faith begin to grow in them.  Trust, trust, and be patient.  Don’t rush ahead where the fog is still too thick. 

O, God
Tune my heart and mind to your voice,
To your presence. 
Let me follow you, 
Not rushing ahead where I can’t see.
Keep me near you.
Let your love, not my own pain and fear,
Guide me.

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Filed under Dealing with stuff

October 3, 2005 · 3:36 pm

Psalm 93

Today’s daily reading from Psalm 93 brought images of the ocean to my mind – the vast expanse of water, the roaring sound of the breakers when walking along the shore.  David must have made trips to the sea.  He must have felt as dwarfed by the waves on the Mediterranean as I did by those on the Pacific.  The strength of the waves bring to mind the power of God as well as awe at his creation.

 Your throne, O LORD, has been established from time immemorial.
 You yourself are from the everlasting past.

  The mighty oceans have roared, O LORD.
  The mighty oceans roar like thunder;
  The mighty oceans roar as they pound the shore.

   But mightier than the violent raging of the seas,
   Mightier than the breakers on the shore–
   The LORD above is mightier than these!

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Filed under Devotional Reading

October 1, 2005 · 8:17 pm

Seminar

One very tired head. 
One very depressed me.
Not a good combination for sitting through a seminar.

How can stewardship, as in money management, be the core to our spiritual growth?

Maybe it is.  I don’t know.  I felt just rotten all morning till at the break I went out for a walk in the drizzle, cried a bit on a friend’s shoulder, then doodled away at some games while we listened.  That, crazy as it sounds, helped me to listen better.  Maybe it took my mind off the disagreeableness of the subject so I could hear part of what God was trying to get across.  I just do not find money matters very interesting.

You know, in the past if God told me to give, I would give, even if it left me short.  I would do it with joy because it was a gift back to God.  And I was never really short.  God has always provided abundantly.  And giving on a regular basis to our church has always been a given. 

I think my personality is just not compatible with this (money management) being at the centre of my relationship with God.  At least not in this way –very managerial, very organized, very planned out.  Giving has always been such a joy and I felt no joy today.  Is this something God wants me to just be obedient about – submitting to the will of the greater church body that seems to want this emphasis?  I am willing to be obedient but I need more than just stoic obedience.

I really want to hear God on this.  So I guess I will have to listen some more.

It is hard to listen well when I am tired and depressed.

It is hard to get rest with many children in the house.

On a brighter note – we were able to celebrate Grace’s eighteenth birthday together as a family at supper time.  I didn’t think we would get to do that because of the timing of the seminar.  But we ended earlier than planned.  Patrick came home from Saskatoon today and brought some pondu (manioc greens) and prepared them for supper.  His gift to Grace who loves this African dish.

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Filed under Dealing with stuff