Monthly Archives: April 2006

Sorry to see it end

Tomorrow it is back to work – although it turns out to be a very short week for me, today being a stat holiday and Friday being my day off.  This week is a school break so I am really off on Friday.  No school program to supervise. 

This weekend has been good but very busy.  Easter services were a refreshing break from getting all the documentation in order for my taxes. 

Oh, yeah – I also cleaned house.  A major cleaning.  I even emptied out a closet that, well I confess, had not been cleaned in ages.  Today I shredded, recycled and filled a bag for the Salvation Army.  The yard was also a disaster area so I hired Micah and he put in a good 5 hours of work on it.  We can now walk on the deck without getting wood chips caught between out toes.  Our dog thinks she is a wood chipper! 

One of the best things I did was begin walking again.  It is so easy to just gradually stop that kind of physical activity in the winter.  A stationary bike is no substitute for walking along the river bank.  Tonight I took Maisie (the dog) for a walk.  She hasn’t been trained much to walk on a leash but she seems pretty easy to train.  By the end of the walk she had stopped pulling on the leash and would sit down when we stopped moving.  I rewarded her with a big rawhide bone which is nowhere to be found.  I have no idea where she hid it.  I just wish she would chew it up rather than the firewood that Micah stacked by the fire pit. 

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Good Friday

I walked over with Leo to St George’s for this morning’s service.  Leo got called out almost immediately to deal with the news of an evacuation order for one of the First Nations reserves north east of here – flooding.  I was able to stay and was blessed by several things about the service. 

 

I appreciate how liturgy seems to ground me in the solidity of the Christian faith.  It brings me a deep sense of comfort, these words that have been spoken in similar forms down though the ages, at least in the English speaking world.

 

The words spoken in the sermon also caused me to reflect on what Christ did for me by dieing for me – and for us all.  He spoke of how Christ loved us, knew the wrongs we would commit but loved us so much in spite of that.  Like parents that love their children who may continue to do wrong, love them while holding them to a standard they may not agree with at all, God loves us.  He keeps seeking us to bring us back to his ways, his sacrifice always available to us. 

 

I know what it is like.  I know the hurt of being a parent and watching my children make mistakes.  I love them and it hurts to watch helpless.  So is that how I make God feel?  He cried over the city of Jerusalem.  How many times has he watched me mess up, hurting for me till I listen to him again?

 

I guess what I heard spoke to a place in me that was ready to hear.  It was a good to be reminded this morning of the sacrifice that Jesus made and of how much it cost him.

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Maundy Thursday

Sharing and serving each other around the Lord’s Table.  This is one of the most dignificant services of the year for me.  I guess the only difficulty in partaking is not going around the whole circle serving everyone.  There were many there tonight who are significant in my life.  God has given me good friends.

I missed those who could not be there. 

Tomorrow we will walk up the street to take part in the Good Friday service at the Anglican Church.  I think that I need smallness and maybe a bit of liturgy in my day tomorrow, rather than a big joint service across town.  I am sure that God will be present in both places.

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No going back now

The geese, crows and robins are back. 

The sun is up before 6:30 already. 

This morning it rained – a good rain, not a freezing one.

Today the ice went out on the river.

It is definately spring.

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The Profile

OK, so I have tried my best to work with the technology that I can manage.  Here is in three parts a copy of the article written by Ann Molloy.

Enjoy.  Especially you Erin!

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Today

I have begun reading The Genesee Diary  by Henri Nouwen.  The thing that strikes me most about the book is its simplicity.  It is a journal of his daily life.  He lets us in on so many of his feelings, good and bad, frustrating and inspirational. It is striking in its honesty and in the way he expresses his feelings just like I would, not like the saint I sort of expected.

 

I struggle with the ordinariness of my daily existence.  It is hard to comprehend that this routine life is pleasing to God or that this is how he created us to be.  Well, maybe he intended for our existence to be more “whole”, not so full of messiness, but that is only a distant longing in reality. 

 

What would my journal be like if I was writing in a way similar to Henri Nouwen?

 

This morning I got up and spent some time reflecting on Psalm 25. 

Show me the path where I should walk, O LORD;
       point out the right road for me to follow.

Lead me by your truth and teach me,
       for you are the God who saves me.
       All day long I put my hope in you. (vs 4,5)

I wonder if I put that into practice today.  Did I listen for God’s direction?  More likely, I just went about my day as it was programmed, without much thought – other than what to take for my lunch.

 

I try to pay some attention to the fact that my patients are loved and cared for by God every bit as much as I am. 

 

God sends me one of my long time patients – a very simple woman.  She tries hard to care for herself but is not very successful at it.  Still, she does much better now than when we first met.  Life has not been easy for her. 

 

Then there is the guy with the really gross mouth.  It is hard to see the “belovedness” with which God loves him.  

 

Returning home there is supper to prepare.  I am asked to feed and baby-sit my grandson.  Somehow this task is more easily done – more palatable – at least until I have to go and change the very poopy diaper.

 

And my evening is spent tidying up the office.  To tell the truth, I have misplaced a paper I need.  After everything is checked through, without finding what I need, I do ask God for help.  I feel like a child who has by their own fault left a job to the last minute so that they have to go to a parent for help.  I guess God understands my dependence and likes me anyway.  And there are the papers.  I feel as if he has just taken care of me – as a father would his child.

 

And to wrap up my day, I am asked to help straighten hair for Sara.  She is getting ready for her big trip to California over the Easter vacation – going on Calbreak with YFC.  She will have fun.

 

What have I learned from my day? Looking back over it, it has been good.  Mostly just ordinary and busy but there have been places where I have also seen God. 

 

Now to bed.  Sorry Fans – no time to scan the paper.  I will try tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be no less busy, no less long.

 

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

I trust in you, my God!  (vs1)

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Nouwen – More on the "Downward" way

The idea of living in simplicity, letting go of the things that come with success in this culture, is not new to Henri Nouwen.  Henri chose to live out this calling at L’Arche Daybreak in Toronto.  The choice for him to live at Daybreak was not the only such occasion he chose to follow the “downward” path.

 

Michael O’Laughlin states,

“Generally, Christians have learned to live with this ambiguity and regard the call to move downward as a saintly option that does not apply to middle-class people struggling to make ends meet.

Therefore it took a special ability or insight and a real desire to be faithful to the gospel for Henri Nouwen to not only present the descending way to those around him but actually begin to live it out.  In fact, I would be less interested in Henri Nouwen’s teaching about downward ability and how it relates to Jesus if I had not observed Nouwen practicing what he preached.  With Henri Nouwen, it was not merely an idea.  Henri’s willingness to throw aside concerns about money or his own prestige and his embrace of persons of humbler status was something that I witnessed over and over again.

…Henri’s remarkable personal generosity was one of his greatest gifts to the world, not only because of the joy he brought into many lives, but because it was such a rare and inspiring expression of freedom. (p 139, 140)

 

I guess the choice of this great man to spend his later days at L’Arche attending to the needs of the handicapped was always a source of puzzlement to me.  I would think that I understood his desire to serve others, but did not really get the extent of his desire to do this as an expression of his choice to follow Jesus.  The author has helped me understand how fundamental this was to Henri Nouwen’s deepening faith.  I think I am beginning to understand this call towards the “downward” way.  Understanding this call of Jesus to each of us that claim to follow him, and actually following would transform us and the world. 

 

Henri learned that the secret at the center of the downward, descending way was to identify with Jesus.  I think, in fact, that he was not so much interested in simplicity or poverty for their own sake, but as part of the mystery of Christ.  For Nouwen, the gospel was becoming not just a message explaining how God long ago brought into being a new spiritual reality through Jesus; he was coming to see it as a blueprint for how we might live our lives and find God today.  Downward mobility was becoming a new way for him to enter into the gospel story. (p.143)

 

Now, to learn from Henri’s example, to attend to the Holy Spirit as to what that means in my life, since each of us lives our own set of unique circumstances, mine including a husband, children and family.  

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Profiled

Last night I spent a pleasant hour with a reporter from our local newspaper.  Mostly we talked about life in the Congo.  In some ways that seems so long ago.  Yet it was only in 2004 that the girls and I made a summer trip back there. 

The Congo will always touch my life.  I guess it is an important part of who I am now and who I am still becoming. 

God was good to give us that part of our lives.  It has enriched both Leo and I. 

So I will be profiled in our local paper on Monday, I guess.  I wonder how I will come across!

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Merci Nzambe

I came home tonight pretty tired.  It was a long and busy day and the days lately have been too full – work, taking care of my aunt’s move, wrapping up loose ends, kids and their stuff, sick grandson and having to call his mom in sick to be excused from classes.  Lots of little busy details that I have to remember to take care of.  Glad for my PDA that helps me keep organized. 

So, arriving home tired, I sat down at the computer to quickly check my e-mail before making supper.

I never expected the news I read – Massa is coming.  Not just a notice of the positive decision to send him here but dates and flight numbers of the plane he is coming on. 

Waiting.  It has been 8 long years of waiting, paperwork, waiting, repeating the paperwork, waiting.  Praying.  Reminding ourselves that God had led them to the place they were at.  Praying and waiting.

I haven’t seen these guys since we left the Congo in a hurry back in 1991.  They were Eric’s best friends, like brothers.  They were always around.  The cement cooking stand on my back porch made a good seat when there was no charcoal fire burning there.  Someone was always hanging out there and these guys were often there.  All young guys like chocolate cake or just a drink of water after a soccer game.  There were always soccer games.  And there were the spoils after hunts or fishing trips and I had a freezer. 

There are so many memories.  Having Massa arrive will be like having one of my own boys come home after being apart for 15 years.  It will be so good. 

But we still wait.  We have good news about Massa but there is still Younde waiting in Cameroun. 

Bring him home too, God.  Merci Nzambe.  Na motindo na yo, yaka na ye awa noki.

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More on Nouwen

There are some outstanding things about Henri Nouwen I learned from Michael O’Laughlin’s book. 

 

One was the decision made by Nouwen to identify himself with Jesus even if that meant being humiliated and scorned by those active in the academic world.  Henri came out strongly advocating that Jesus was “the Son of God come down from heaven” and the central point in Christian spirituality.  Tolerance of religious belief was something Harvard was proud of.  Celebrating Christ’s divinity was not politically correct and Nouwen began to experience rejection.  He was criticised for “spiritual imperialism” by the students. 

 

Needless to say, this stimulated doubt and depression but at the same time prompted new insights into the “downward” nature of Christian belief.  The road that he was taking did not lead to the “upward mobility” espoused by a generation seeking to become successful and prosperous in the eyes of the world.  It led downward towards humility and simplicity.  Nouwen wrote:

“In the gospel it’s quite obvious that Jesus chose the descending way.  He chose it not once but over and over again.  At each critical moment he deliberately sought the way downwards.  Even though at twelve years of age he was already listening to the teachers in the Temple and questioning them, he stayed up to his thirtieth year with his parents in the little-respected town of Nazareth and was submissive to them.  Even though Jesus was without sin, he began his public life by joining the ranks of sinners who were being baptized by John in the Jordan.  Even though he was full of divine power, he believed that changing stones into bread, seeking popularity, and being counted among the great ones of the earth were temptations. 

 

Again and again you see how Jesus opts for what is small, hidden, and poor, and accordingly declines to wield influence.  His many miracles always serve to express his profound compassion with suffering humanity; never are they attempts to call attention to himself….”

 

 

Henri Houwen began to experience more and more of what it meant to follow Christ on this descending path, finding more solidarity with the poor, oppressed and handicapped.

 

 

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