Monthly Archives: January 2008

Tired

This morning was a tough morning for me.  So tonight I guess it is not too surprising that I feel mostly like a limp vegetable.  Vegging out – maybe that is what it means.

I was in the OR today – all day.  There are always extra stresses doing treatment under time pressure.  There is so much to do and we have given an estimate of how much time we think we will need so that we can reasonably get all our cases done in the time available.  We try to estimate accurately but there are always surprises.  Time consuming surprises.

The first case took about 3 hours instead of 2.

The patient was mentally challenged, a teen now.  We have seen her for several years in our office, needing to do work for her under general anesthesia every couple of years.  This year was not good.  I suppose she doesn’t like to have her teeth brushed and likely her diet contains a lot of sugars.  At least from the look of her teeth.  I understand the difficulties of her caregivers but sometimes an easy diet or not insisting on simple hygiene habits can be devastating.

Her teeth were soft.  14 fillings and 5 extractions soft.  The 5 teeth extracted were slated to have fillings only a few months ago.  It is a long time since I have tried to do fillings on teeth where there was no line of demarcation between healthy enamel and decaying enamel.  So the fillings just kind of went around, from one side to the other.

I don’t know if I did anything good for her or not.  Oh, yes, for a few months the teeth I filled will be intact.  But then what?  I don’t usually feel hopeless, I don’t usually feel as if everything I am doing is for nothing, but that is how I felt this morning.  I don’t like to think about what it will be like the next time I see her.  She is only 15.

Sometimes what I do seems like such a tiny drop in the bucket.

Comments Off on Tired

Filed under Dealing with stuff, Dental

Freedom

Just a verse that has been going through my mind a lot lately:

John 8: 31 and 32

31 Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

I think it is telling me not to be afraid of investigating truth because God is found there. The kind of truth that is illuminated by God’s wisdom is freeing, not something to fear.

So, I must spend time really listening to God as I study.

You know I think I’ve been in this place before. God was there and I learned to trust him/her to b e a bit bigger than an old image of him was. There was freedom from fear there as well.

I guess I should trust that my questions won’t scare God away.

Comments Off on Freedom

Filed under Dealing with stuff, Devotional Reading

Women as Weapons of War

It happens in the Congo. Disturbing, a bit graphic and so sad. Check out this episode of 60 Minutes.

Thanks for bringing it to my attention, Jordon.

Comments Off on Women as Weapons of War

Filed under Africa, In the News

Open or Classical?

We began quite the discussion tonight deciding to delve into the book God of the Possible by Gregory Boyd.   The Open view of God as opposed to the Classical view is explored in his book.  We decided to read it since last week we were grappling with some of the issues it discusses – issue that keep coming up in conversations about God.

I’m not sure we knew what we were getting into.

I looked up some stuff on the internet to see what was being said about this and came up with this and this.   Lots of interesting discussion.

I think we will  certainly stretch our minds a bit as we discuss this.  We are no theologians but we need to be aware of this and weigh the evidence for both sides as best we can.  I personally find that the open view makes sense to me but I also know that God’s ways are not always going to be understood by me.  I can accept that.  I also know that it is not necessary for me to choose between the viewpoints but to learn from both.

Comments Off on Open or Classical?

Filed under Books and Articles, Dealing with stuff, Devotional Reading

Quote from Nouwen

Another quote from Henri Nouwen that is just too good not to repeat.

The Still, Small Voice of Love

Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, “Prove that you are a good person.” Another voice says, “You’d better be ashamed of yourself.” There also is a voice that says, “Nobody really cares about you,” and one that says, “Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful.” But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says, “You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you.” That’s the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen.

That’s what prayer is. It is listening to the voice that calls us “my Beloved.”

Comments Off on Quote from Nouwen

Filed under Devotional Reading, Quotes

My Day

Today was just one of those days – nothing special.  Just routine.

Get up (slowly) eat, go for groceries.  Deliver the coffee cups to the church.  Put away groceries at home.

Clean off all the counter tops in the kitchen so I could take pictures at the request of the people who made and installed them.  ( looks rather nice in the kitchen with uncluttered counter tops.

Practice.  I can now play the Brandenberg Concerto No. 3 page 1 in less than 30 minutes.  Gee, I could perform an hour concert with less than three pages of music!

And then reading.  I have lots of reading to do for my paper.  And it is not always easy to read this stuff without falling asleep.  So I did that too for awhile.

Made supper, went up to the hospital to visit a friend.

Didn’t do much else and soon it is time to end the day.

I wish more of my days passed at this pace.

Comments Off on My Day

Filed under Day to Day

From Nouwen

Growing Beyond Self-Rejection

One of the greatest dangers in the spiritual life is self-rejection. When we say, “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t love me,” we choose the road toward darkness. Often we are made to believe that self-deprecation is a virtue, called humility. But humility is in reality the opposite of self-deprecation. It is the grateful recognition that we are precious in God’s eyes and that all we are is pure gift. To grow beyond self-rejection we must have the courage to listen to the voice calling us God’s beloved sons and daughters, and the determination always to live our lives according to this truth.

Comments Off on From Nouwen

Filed under Devotional Reading, Quotes

Dark Holes

Today there is a hole

Dark and deep

Within me.

I look over the edge

And try to see

What’s there.

Just blackness.

I am not wise enough

To see the depths.

I feel all lost

As if I am wandering

Perhaps I lost my compass

In that dark hole.

 

I wonder why I dropped my compass

Just at the moment I tried to see

The depths.

Maybe one should not try so hard

To see what wisdom hides,

Trusting to be led from day to day

By one whose hand is steady and

Already knows the way.

Comments Off on Dark Holes

Filed under Poetry and Stuff

Back at it

Tonight the music lessons resumed. We played through one page of the Brandenberg Concerto. Twice.

One hour.

I’m so good.

😉

Honestly, this is great progress. The crazy thing is that I am still at it. And still am enjoying it.

Comments Off on Back at it

Filed under Uncategorized

I am amazed

by the way the stuff I am led to investigate for my papers becomes a useful source of information for the questions people pose in real life.

I am writing – well getting ready to write – an essay on mysticism and ecstatic experiences in Christian spirituality.

Last night our group of women book readers spent a long time talking about this very subject. I’m not even sure what led up to the beginning of the conversation. It was good to share stories. It is good to remember the experiences we have had with God.

Then this morning, a staff member is getting into a book on psychic stuff. That is not where I want to go. I know too much to think that this stuff is harmless. It seems as if people are fascinated by spirituality but stay far away from the real source of spiritual power,God, finding their information in the “wisdom” of another human.

Comments Off on I am amazed

Filed under Dealing with stuff