Monthly Archives: May 2008

It is hard to put things into public words when there is so much going on inside.  So I don’t say much that seems profound these days.  Maybe I can’t cause I am not that sure what is even going on.  Life changes.  I struggle to keep up or something.

However, on a more down to earth level, we are having a visit from Leo’s brother, Paul.  Last night we barbequed for the first time on our new natural gas barbeque and for just about the first time ever, Leo tried his hand at barbecuing.  He did not burn the hamburgers!  I think his problem is multi-tasking.  It seems hard for him to be talking and cooking at the same time.  And there are not too many ways to make him shut up – so he pays more attention to his conversation than he does to the state of the cuisine.

We sat a bit around the fire pit in the backyard.  ‘Til the girl’s techno dance music drove me upstairs.  But they seemed to be having fun.

Then we babysat while the girls went out with friends for more partying.  I went to bed with the baby monitor next to me and as far as I know – baby slept and so did I.  Until my inner clock woke me at about 4 am.  I’ll probably go back to bed and try to get some more sleep but it seems no matter what, I still wake up at the same time.

There is a certain finality to the baby packing up and leaving.  Even if it is just for summer school and she will be back in 2 months for a final 2 months before fall session starts.

It is not like she has gone so far.  Not like she will not be back.  Not like we had to push her out. 

Its time. 

But then why does it seem as if there is a big hole in my heart?

She made me cupcakes for Mother’s Day.  Left 4 of them for us to enjoy.  And the house is suddenly quiet.  And empty.

The other day at the soup kitchen I sat and chatted with three women who are regulars.  One was quite sad looking, her skin had a greyish hue and it looked like life had been hard on her. 

life has been hard on her lately – breast cancer and the chemo has taken its toll and she is not finished yet.  Hair loss happened early so she was sporting an obvious wig.

She made a comment about the fellow who had joined us that day to work off some community service time for a traffic violation – he pastors a downtown street church.  She had visited there one day and some of the street kids who dropped in had begun to make fun of her.  That hurt her.  Someone else made the comment that kids have no respect anymore.

I wonder what it is that causes this lack of respect.  Is it loss of a sense of community?  Would they have made fun of someone they knew as an older auntie?  Are they simply so ignorant that they would make fun of someone whose body is being attacked by cancer?  They probably had no clue but would some knowledge have changed their behaviour?

Many things to wonder about.  Her friends cared enough to commiserate with her.  I doubt the church man even knew.  I wonder if I will see her again and if my knowing will make a difference.

It was declared to be Tartan Day to honor our Scottish heritage on April 6.  Well, some of us (not me) have some Scottish heritage.  PA is just a bit late since Apr. 6th did not work out for the local Scots.  Tonight, 7:30 at Rivier Academy there will be much playing of the pipes and drums as well as some other orchestrations. 

So, off I go lugging my bass.  Playing a few tunes to lighten our northern isolation.

It was a good day today.  Talking with my spiritual director was good.  Came away feeling a whole lot less frustrated with my life – with life in general.  Seems I am not the only one to have become frustrated with living in between stages of life.