Category Archives: Dealing with stuff

In some ways coming back to the same old life with the same old problems is tougher than going off to the Congo where everyone anticipates problems. Today we are back dealing with major kid problems. And then yesterday there were family issues. And there is work stuff to deal with. It is hard to see where God is in all of this, even though I know he is here and never deserts us. But it sure is hard to see the way ahead sometimes!

Last night we had a family meeting – one of those family meetings where some tough decisions had to be made.  My aunt, who broke her leg about a month ago, is facing some major changes in the way she lives her life.  She has a very limited income and has almost a compulsion to give what little she has away.  She is easy prey to certain people who take advantage of her generosity and inability to say “no”.  I understand her too well.  I am tough when I am being taken advantage of but it is easy to feel like others needs are my responsibility when I see people in need too. 

So last night we talked about how we can best help her to make some changes to her life style.  Age is not always kind and there are many things she has to deal with – slower healing, a poorer memory, loss of the ability to drive and so loss of a lot of independance. 

Fortunately, she is recovering from her broken leg now in a wonderful care home.  This is making the transition easier in some ways since she can see that this place is a good place to be.  She still needs to make the final decisions herself – she is still capable of that.  We just have to be there for her, guarding her best interests, supporting her.  It is time for us to give back to her.  We are praying that she will have a real sense of peace about her place and her future.

Lots of stuff went on today for me.  Some I didn’t expect at all.  In fact I am still not sure how to process in my mind everything that happened. 

First thing – at church this morning – the women’s group usually has something to honor the graduates from various post-secondary programs and from High School.  Christian is graduating this next weekend so I was expecting that recognition for him. 

But then the women also have these recognition awards for women that have contributed in some special way.  They called me up and presented me with this award.  I was the last person to expect to get one of these.  You see, I don’t participate much in the women’s activities.  It seems they are mostly doing stuff that doesn’t pertain to me.  The last thing I want to do or have time to do is go to a meeting in the evening after a busy day at work.  And usually I am too busy driving my kids around anyway.  So if I am going to use up an evening, I need it to be important.  Serious Bible study I would consider important, taking time to work on friendships I would consider important but not business meetings to run another program or fluffy devotionals or arts and crafty sorts of evenings.  Sorry, but I am fussy about how I spend my time.  And if I use up my one or two evenings that I save for myself during the week doing stuff with the women’s group then I don’t have time to take a friend out for coffee or be on the deaconate or spend time reading and studying good books with the group of us women who have been meeting to do this. 

I guess these are all activities I tend to do with women but they are not part of the church women’s organized program.  I need to do these things to share with other women what is going on in my life and to share what God is doing.  I need to be challenged both in my faith and my intellect.  I need to meet with other women who will do that.  We are friends and we care about and share our needs and our hopes and prayers for each other.  So we meet and we laugh and we are learning to love each other.  And we can depend on each other for things like prayer. 

Our denomination’s women’s ministries are changing, I know.  Maybe someday we will find our way to fit into the structure in some sort of loose knit way.  Right now I don’t know where I or the group I meet with fit in.   

I love the women of the church who seem to thrive on participating in the women’s group.  They do such marvellous things with their fund raising and doing things.  They are always ready to help out when a project needs to be taken care of.   But that kind of busyness just isn’t what I need to bring me closer to the God I want to know more intimately.  I think he’s sending me out further.  I need to keep the connection to them but they also need to let me fly a bit more freely out there where I can go to places far away and sometimes connect to people way far away from God.  But I need to know that there is this home base too – kind of a nest.  Women who do some of the practical things I just can’t do for whatever reason.  We need to keep exploring new ways to interconnect even though we are different.

The next thing that was a bit unexpected was a phone call after getting home from church.  It seems like God just keeps on providing what I need to get for the trip to the Congo.  He is very good.  Reminds me a bit of an old chorus I used to sing as a kid,

 “He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the wealth in every mine.  
  He owns the rivers and the rocks and rills, the sun and the stars that shine. 
  Wonderful riches more than tongue can tell, He is my father so they’re mine as well.  
  Oh he owns the cattle on a thousand hills, I know that he will care for me.”

Just a quote from J.I. Packer’s Knowing God on God’s grace.

“It has been said that in the New Testament doctrine is grace, and ethics is gratitude; and something is wrong with any form of Christianity in which, experimentally and practically, this saying is not being verified.  Those who suppose that the doctrine of God’s grace tends to encourage moral laxity … are simply showing that, in the most literal sense, they do not know what they are talking about.  For love awakens love in return; and love, once awakened, desires to give pleasure; and the revealed will of God is that those who have received grace should henceforth give themselves to “good works” … and gratitude will move any man who has truly received grace to do as God requires… “

My comfort zone ended
At the front door.
I knew at once
That I had chosen my dress
Poorly.

Blue jeans
Would be right
For a backyard barbecue
But all wrong
For this milling group
Of the higher class
Each with their drink in hand
Making small talk.

Me with my blank head
Thinking
Of nothing at all to say.
Sipping my one glass
Of fine white wine
That has unpleasantly
Warmed.

Feeling like a trapped and
Frightened mouse,
In a house of poised
And entertaining cats
Who seem convinced
The answer to my quietness
Would be
Another drink.

O! God
I’m so out of place!
All this
And no mouse hole
For escape.

It was a very difficult weekend for me.  Friday evening and Saturday morning we spent with some great friends – down to earth and fun.  But Saturday evening!!!  I impressed no one – especially myself with my awkwardness.  I wish – well I wish a lot of things that are not likely to come to pass.  Like that I would suddenly become gifted at small talk.  That I would come out with some charming thing to say that would make them realize that I am perfectly fine with one glass of wine even if it takes all night for me to drink it and to be perfectly honest –  if I am really thirsty – wine or beer is not what I would choose to slake my thirst. 

The highlight of the evening was Leo arguing with a very self absorbed woman about the merits of treating addictions without locking up the young people for a forced change of lifestyle.  And then she came out with the statement that “wouldn’t it be much better if we could live in a drug free society” – as in all drugs for all illnesses.  Not so sure about that since I would have died as a child.  It would be even nicer to live in an illness free society in my opinion.  Including mental illness – which I felt a bit like I was suffering from myself about then.

It is good for so many reasons to be back home.

We were talking about how some of the women in the church are opposed to using Styrofoam cups for our Sunday am coffee.  Since we use cups or mugs there is a lot of washing up to do after.  This can mean that some people are left scrambling to clean up so they can get up to the sanctuary for the worship service. 

I think this might just be one of those Mary/ Martha differences in opinion. 

I know that I am very much a Mary type – putting more value on the relationships and on the value of the worship and learning than on what happens in the physical work of providing for the coffee or the meal.  So my solution is to minimize the effort required in getting the coffee stuff cleaned up by using disposable cups.  I know there are environmental issues but I guess I put the logistical advantages first in a case like this.  I would hate to see us drop something that enhances our fellowship just because it requires too much work. 

There is also the possibility that there are some people that enjoy this kind of work so much that they would agree to assume responsibility for this and do the washing up of the cups as a service – without complaining that others never take a turn.  Sort of like dividing up the responsibilities – doing their thing while the relationship builders are freed up to visit or simply get their families organized and up to the worship service.  (And I don’t mean that we all shouldn’t pitch in and help on other occasions – just that something that occurs like this every Sunday should not become a burden on the ones who organized it so that we could spend more time getting to know each other.)

But if this doesn’t happen I think we should get out the Styrofoam cups!

Anyway, I found this article interesting in the light of this discussion.  Linked to via Brad. 

Vivid writes – on seeing the pictures from Abu Gharib – expressing better than I can the feelings of our inability to deal with the horrors of war.  Read the whole poem here.

“I don’t know
what to do with them.

What to do
with any of this.”

I am reading in Numbers about the conflict that arose between the people and Moses and Aaron over leadership. What an awesome and frightening thing it must have been to have been chosen to lead in those days.  The expectations of God for the priests were incredibly high.  It is a wonder any of them survived and little wonder that the Jewish leaders became nit picky about following the rules.

And then we have Jesus coming breaking all the little picky rules, beginning to show us that it is not the rules that are worthy of worship.  He changed our relationship with God forever.

I, for one, am very glad that Jesus turned the world’s thinking upside down.  Jesus talked to women, he taught and encouraged women to sit and learn at his feet and I imagine those women were there alongside the disciples as he taught.  Jesus let women minister to his needs and he took the time to heal them, forgive and care for them.  So, in reading these accounts, I can be confident that he cares for me, he forgives me and he wants me to sit at his feet and learn how to follow him too.

So, knowing how Jesus acted while he was with people on earth, how he let people who were usually kept on the fringes get close to him, I begin to wonder at how well we honour him with our worship.  

We have built some magnificent places of worship.  Places where we are really particular about how we perform our rituals, where the God described by Moses would surely feel honoured.  And we care about what most of our places of worship look like, even if they are not grandiose.  But would Jesus sit inside them teaching us or would he sit outside on the curb talking to the passers by who don’t feel comfortable inside, the ones who don’t feel welcome in our rituals of song and prayer. 

What would our churches look like if the really hurting, lonely, unlovely people were cared for by us?  Maybe they would be emptier – we would be sitting out on the curb too.  Maybe they would be fuller – the outside people would want to come in where they could sit and warm up in God’s presence too.  Can we do both – have room for the care of hurting, unlovely people and have room to come and sit in the glory of God’s presence as we worship?

And could we do it?  Would we be willing to let some of the ugly, unlovable people in?  Or are we looking for a certain degree of comfort so our needs are met first?

I know that, in all honesty, I prefer to be around nice people.  The obnoxious ones, the dirty ones, the cursing ones, I avoid.  But aren’t they the ones who need the Doctor?  And didn’t I sign up to study the doctor’s methods till I become like the doctor? 

What is it all about anyway – worshipping and having his presence make us feel good and cozy or creating a space where those who really need him to change their lives feel comfortable enough to sit down with us? 

Sorry, I am asking the question.  I don’t know if I am truely ready to hear the answer.

Over at my church’s youth blog some of us have been having a discussion on if and how God punishes. It arose originally from a statement that went something like this – well here, I’ll quote it for you, “Give thanks with a thankful heart, or some day God will take away all that is thank worthy, to make one see how thankful they were.“  Maybe I should not have stirred the pot because from the sounds of one youth’s comment, (“OMG! Do you people have lives! Geese look at those bloody paragraphs. And you guys are arguing about something that no body cares about!”) we are discussing stuff they don’t care about anyway.  But it was another youth who started out commenting so here goes.  And don’t get me wrong I am not doing this out of disrespect for our youth leader just it is a topic I am passionate about.

I am passionate about this because – if God is not a God of grace then I’m done for.  I have experienced the grace of God and no arguments can change the reality of it for me.   I could never return to trying to follow the rules (not because the rules are bad), or trying to work hard enough to earn my way, simply because I would fail again. Then, if I had to take the punishment I deserved for breaking the rules – well you can see maybe why I need to rely on grace.

My argument in this whole discussion is that when I look at Jesus’ life and teachings, I do not see him punishing.  I see Jesus loving and forgiving – even those who by all rights under the law should have been punished by death.  Actually, he is very hard on one group of people the Pharisees and hypocrites but exceptionally gracious to sinners (and I feel that I fit into this class).

This morning, I began reading the Gospel of John again.  I just finished Luke and it sort of follows.  Within the first chapter these are the words I encounter;” The Law was given through Moses, but loving and truth came through Jesus Christ.” (Verse 17NLT)

Then, I flip back to where I am reading in the Psalms and I read Psalm 103. ²Praise the Lord, O my soul. And forget none of His acts of kindness. ³He forgives all my sins. He heals all my diseases. ⁴He saves my life from the grave. He crowns me with loving and pity. ⁵He fills my years with good things and I am made young again like the eagle.(NLT)

I am not trying to imply that there is no punishment for wrong.  Just, I believe that in the here and now of our lives that we punish ourselves, having to live with the consequences of our sin.  I know there are instances where God punishes people outright at the time when they sin but these instances seem a lot more frequent in the Old Testament.  Jesus’ stories of the Kingdom of God are full of forgiveness. Lives are changed by his compassion.

I think I know where the guys that I am in discussion are coming from.  I was there too.  One thing about age is that it gives you time to learn a lot.  I can remember thinking, as a teen and young adult, that most “Christians” treated God cheaply – that they should take him more seriously and be more obviously devoted to God in their lifestyles.  And of course for me that meant following certain rules – rules that I had grown up with that just seemed to be equivalent to proper living out of one’s faith.  And these things that I believed Christians should do were good things involving service to others, treating others fairly, using resources economically, being generous, etc.  I took my faith seriously, worked hard at behaving like a Christian and I thought that everyone else that called themselves Christians should do the same.

And then God started to work on me. He began to show me that following the rules is not faith.  I began to learn about the artificiality of the rules that I and other Christians followed – or didn’t.  Even doing good things does not add up to faith. 

God used someone I had helped come back to faith to teach me. I had to sort out what was faith and what were just rules.  I learned both good and bad things about myself.  I saw that some of my legalism was detrimental to the living out of my faith and also deterred others.  So, I began to change my understanding of just what was essential. 

Then I found myself in a sinful situation that I did not want to get out of.  Well, I did but didn’t at the same time.  All my beliefs in the necessity of working hard to follow God, doing all the right things, I ignored – deliberately.  Instead of punishment, which I certainly deserved, God rescued me, forgave me and life went on.  But I carried the knowledge of my disobedience around like secret baggage.  And other stuff I added on as I went.  It has taken me years to dump it all, as it were, on Jesus and accept the fact that he loves me, really loves me, just as I am. And that what I do, how my children turn out, etc. doesn’t increase or decrease the love that God loves me with.  I am passionate about this – this realization of the grace of God and what it feels like.

So, I wish all of my children and their friends, and all the youth in our congregation would encounter this God of incredible grace and love.  That they would learn that they don’t need to haul around big garbage bags to hold past sins or put their new sins into.  Kind of nice when God says to us, “Here, let me take care of that trash for you.” 

God does not want them to come to him so he can punish them like they deserve.  He just wants them to come and hand him their trash and be free of it.

If they do, I think we will not need to worry about the obedience to God.  The obedience kind of flows out of a grateful heart.   If they encounter this God of grace, and experience this kind of forgiveness, they will know that there is no other God like him.

I am reading through Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott – for the second time now.  Sometimes it seems like the right book comes along at just the right time. This one and Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller have been gifts to my spirit.  I mean, they are so real and honest that, like life, they alternately make me want to laugh or cry. And a lot of life seems to be like that – alternating between hysterical laughter and tears.  Reading their stories I see God in their lives and I also recognize places where God is working in mine.  So they give me hope and help me appreciate who I am in God’s eyes.

Today a patient and her husband dropped into our office.  We just found out that the cancer she thought she had fought and won out over is back and is not expected to go away.  We called them last week about an overdue account – which is not at all like them.  He came in and, in tears, told us the news.  We sent her flowers and today they came in together to say thanks. 

It was an example of life’s tears and laughter which came today in almost the same breath.  D has a great sense of humour.  I hope it holds up since I think in some ways humour is like a healing balm from heaven – at least it helps the bystanders around cope and carry on with some sense of normalcy. One of her wishes, when her kids were done with their braces, was to get her own teeth straightened.  “I guess I won’t be needing braces.” she said today as we exchanged a big hug.