Psalm 107

Again and again the Psalms provide me with words from God that I need for the day.  Psalm 107 (NLT)

       Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good!
       His faithful love endures forever.

       Has the LORD redeemed you? Then speak out!
       Tell others he has saved you from your enemies.

       For he has gathered the exiles from many lands,
       from east and west, from north and south.

       Some wandered in the desert,
       lost and homeless.

       Hungry and thirsty,
       they nearly died.

       “LORD, help!” they cried in their trouble,
       and he rescued them from their distress.

       He led them straight to safety,
       to a city where they could live.

       Let them praise the LORD for his great love
       and for all his wonderful deeds to them.

       For he satisfies the thirsty
       and fills the hungry with good things.

And the examples of his love and care go on.  I hope I can write my own version – my own stanza one day.  I think I am still at the crying for help part in my present episode of the verse. 

Read the rest of this Psalm.

       Some sat in darkness and deepest gloom,
       miserable prisoners in chains.

       They rebelled against the words of God,
       scorning the counsel of the Most High.

       That is why he broke them with hard labor;
       they fell, and no one helped them rise again.

       “LORD, help!” they cried in their trouble,
       and he saved them from their distress.

       He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom;
       he snapped their chains.

       Let them praise the LORD for his great love
       and for all his wonderful deeds to them.

       For he broke down their prison gates of bronze;
       he cut apart their bars of iron.

       Some were fools in their rebellion;
       they suffered for their sins.

       Their appetites were gone,
       and death was near.

       “LORD, help!” they cried in their trouble,
       and he saved them from their distress.

       He spoke, and they were healed–
       snatched from the door of death.

       Let them praise the LORD for his great love
       and for all his wonderful deeds to them.

       Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving
       and sing joyfully about his glorious acts.

       Some went off in ships,
       plying the trade routes of the world.

       They, too, observed the LORD’s power in action,
       his impressive works on the deepest seas.

       He spoke, and the winds rose,
       stirring up the waves.

       Their ships were tossed to the heavens
       and sank again to the depths;
       the sailors cringed in terror.

       They reeled and staggered like drunkards
       and were at their wits’ end.

       “LORD, help!” they cried in their trouble,
       and he saved them from their distress.

       He calmed the storm to a whisper
       and stilled the waves.

       What a blessing was that stillness
       as he brought them safely into harbor!

       Let them praise the LORD for his great love
       and for all his wonderful deeds to them.

       Let them exalt him publicly before the congregation
       and before the leaders of the nation.

       He changes rivers into deserts,
       and springs of water into dry land.

       He turns the fruitful land into salty wastelands,
       because of the wickedness of those who live there.

       But he also turns deserts into pools of water,
       the dry land into flowing springs.

       He brings the hungry to settle there
       and build their cities.

       They sow their fields, plant their vineyards,
       and harvest their bumper crops.

       How he blesses them!
       They raise large families there,
       and their herds of cattle increase.

       When they decrease in number and become impoverished
       through oppression, trouble, and sorrow,

       the LORD pours contempt on their princes,
       causing them to wander in trackless wastelands.

       But he rescues the poor from their distress
       and increases their families like vast flocks of sheep.

       The godly will see these things and be glad,
       while the wicked are stricken silent.

       Those who are wise will take all this to heart;
       they will see in our history the faithful love of the LORD.

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On Grandmothers, Grandsons and God

I have been getting to know my grandson – one good thing that has come out of these days of broken relationships.  Yesterday and last night we spent a lot of time together.  And he had a good time.  A week ago he would have spent a lot more time crying. 

I also am beginning to learn first hand that family gatherings are hard times for those in the grieving process.  Absences are magnified and hurts are all too close to the surface.  In spite of family being there to support, there are times when we can’t.  We can’t take away pain.  We go on with our celebrations and in the midst of celebration pain becomes magnified for the hurting ones.  They do not want to spoil the day for everyone so they stay away.  So David stayed home, alone for Thanksgiving.  Kieran went with us over to his Great-grandmother’s place.

It was kind of cool, actually in some ways, that the celebration moved over to our house in the evening and the guys of the family gathered around David.  And then some friends of his called and he got to go and spend some time with them. 

Meanwhile Grandma babysat again.

A couple of things struck me about the relationship between Kieran and me.  I want to get to know him better.  I want him to know that I love him.  I know that if I am going to make this clear to him I can’t just say it; I can’t stay up on the adult plane of events and expect him to “get” the fact that I love him and want to know him.  I have to get down on his level when I want to play with him.  So I have spent a lot of time sitting on the floor, crawling around as he plays cars, picking him up to sit beside me so we can read or do puzzles.  I have to.  Otherwise he won’t feel my enjoyment in his play.  He won’t know that he has my undivided attention.  He won’t know that I want to play with him, be with him and love him.  He’s got to get to know me and he’s got to learn to trust that I love him.

There is a lot in this grandmother/grandchild relationship that reminds me of God and myself.  Can you imagine if he had not come down to our level?  He actually got down here and played in the stuff that makes up our lives.  And he has shown me many times that he is right down here beside me working through the stuff that puzzles me right now.  So I trust him –  I am learning to. 

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Part of the family

Thoughts just rolling around in my head about family.  Family will be around this weekend, it being Thanksgiving.  We’ll all be together for a big meal on Sunday – those of us in town and my sister and her family up from Moose Jaw.  She will come with all the baggage of her family struggles, I with mine.  We’ll talk and share them.  Maybe not much will change but the distribution of the load.  Maybe that will help. 

I was also thinking about age.  How now I am in the age where I have to be a support to adult children.  So where do I now look for support myself.   My dad and my elderly aunt need support themselves.  They can’t give it anymore.  So part of my support is my family.  Another good reason to keep strong family ties.  And a lot of support comes from my peers now.  Especially my faith community.  Another reason God put us in families and in communities.  We need each other.

Enjoy your families this weekend.  Be thankful for the people around you who are family to you in the truest sense of the word. 

And if you are far too young to have adult children – be thankful.  No really!  You have time to build the strong relationships you will need in the future.

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Fog

The fog this morning was thick; the moisture in the -8 degree air freezing as it touched the grass and trees.  Vision was limited.  It forced me to walk carefully.  Crossing the street, I could hear the traffic better than I could see it.   Today it took hours before the sun burned through the atmosphere warming it enough to burn off the mist and frost. 

Life seems to mirror the world around me.  Obscurity when clarity is needed.  Inability to see far ahead.  Learning to trust even when I don’t know where the path leads.  Learning to put one foot in front of the other even when I can’t see more than that into my future.  Trusting that in time God will burn away the fog that keeps me from knowing. 

Well, I guess that stage may not be in this life – the place where I can really know.  So for now I trust.  There is not much else to do when life is difficult and the future is uncertain and scary.  It is funny, I guess, but I trust that he will look after my kids – he said he would to me one night.  And even in the midst of agony, I see the seeds of faith begin to grow in them.  Trust, trust, and be patient.  Don’t rush ahead where the fog is still too thick. 

O, God
Tune my heart and mind to your voice,
To your presence. 
Let me follow you, 
Not rushing ahead where I can’t see.
Keep me near you.
Let your love, not my own pain and fear,
Guide me.

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Psalm 93

Today’s daily reading from Psalm 93 brought images of the ocean to my mind – the vast expanse of water, the roaring sound of the breakers when walking along the shore.  David must have made trips to the sea.  He must have felt as dwarfed by the waves on the Mediterranean as I did by those on the Pacific.  The strength of the waves bring to mind the power of God as well as awe at his creation.

 Your throne, O LORD, has been established from time immemorial.
 You yourself are from the everlasting past.

  The mighty oceans have roared, O LORD.
  The mighty oceans roar like thunder;
  The mighty oceans roar as they pound the shore.

   But mightier than the violent raging of the seas,
   Mightier than the breakers on the shore–
   The LORD above is mightier than these!

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Seminar

One very tired head. 
One very depressed me.
Not a good combination for sitting through a seminar.

How can stewardship, as in money management, be the core to our spiritual growth?

Maybe it is.  I don’t know.  I felt just rotten all morning till at the break I went out for a walk in the drizzle, cried a bit on a friend’s shoulder, then doodled away at some games while we listened.  That, crazy as it sounds, helped me to listen better.  Maybe it took my mind off the disagreeableness of the subject so I could hear part of what God was trying to get across.  I just do not find money matters very interesting.

You know, in the past if God told me to give, I would give, even if it left me short.  I would do it with joy because it was a gift back to God.  And I was never really short.  God has always provided abundantly.  And giving on a regular basis to our church has always been a given. 

I think my personality is just not compatible with this (money management) being at the centre of my relationship with God.  At least not in this way –very managerial, very organized, very planned out.  Giving has always been such a joy and I felt no joy today.  Is this something God wants me to just be obedient about – submitting to the will of the greater church body that seems to want this emphasis?  I am willing to be obedient but I need more than just stoic obedience.

I really want to hear God on this.  So I guess I will have to listen some more.

It is hard to listen well when I am tired and depressed.

It is hard to get rest with many children in the house.

On a brighter note – we were able to celebrate Grace’s eighteenth birthday together as a family at supper time.  I didn’t think we would get to do that because of the timing of the seminar.  But we ended earlier than planned.  Patrick came home from Saskatoon today and brought some pondu (manioc greens) and prepared them for supper.  His gift to Grace who loves this African dish.

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Self therapy

Or maybe it really is a form of group therapy since this is fairly public and anyone can comment?

In any case, this blogging space has become an outlet for my feelings.  I somehow can express my pain or joy in words written here.  It helps me deal with it in some concrete way.  It lets me get the emotion out where I can deal with it.  So I think it is a healthy and sometimes creative space.  I need this space, this method of expression.  I don’t know if what I write is profound or necessarily helpful for those of you who read it but it is good for me.  So if you don’t like it or find me depressing at times – just ignore me.  Write your own cheerful stuff, or beautiful stuff or profound political or theological stuff. 

Right now my stuff is just a reflection of my fairly shallow response to a profoundly good God.  Sometimes I can’t even see his goodness when I’m in pain.  But I have experienced enough of God to know that there is nothing better, no one else that will carry me through the bad stuff and cause me to grow in strength and in the knowledge of him. 

So if you wonder why on earth I would write some of the stuff I do, just cut me some slack.  I’m having a self-therapy session.  If I post a beautiful picture, I’m likely having a good day.  If I sound sad or pensive, throw up a prayer for me, I likely need it.

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Reflecting on Psalm 84

At Gatecrashers prayer this morning, Randall read a story about growing strong trees.  The person planting the trees kept the growing conditions harsh in order to grow strong trees with deep roots that could withstand tough conditions – no coddling these trees to have them become dependant on artificial sources of water, etc. 

I had just finished reading the Psalm from the lectionary I have been following over this year – Psalm 84. 

Two things struck me as I read it and meditated on it.  First, the psalmist talks about his heart longing to spend time in the house of God – something I have experienced.  I can appreciate this feeling of longing. Then in a later part of this psalm, he talks about being on a pilgrimage. 

Happy are those who are strong in the LORD,
       who set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
       it will become a place of refreshing springs,
       where pools of blessing collect after the rains!

They will continue to grow stronger,
       and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem. (vs 5 to 7)

 

I know that he is referring to Jerusalem but I think it applies to those of us who are on this pilgrimage towards God – towards knowing God more deeply.  On this pilgrimage, the travelers pass through valleys – one being the valley of weeping.  As they pass through this valley changes and becomes filled with springs of joy, flooded with blessing, sorrow transformed to joy.  And the journey makes the pilgrim stronger.

This valley is where I find myself now.  Watching my son and daughter-in-law struggle in their marriage seems a big and deep valley full of sorrow.  I can’t see the road leading up and out of it yet.  I feel like I am walking blindly.  Maybe the thing is to just keep walking anyway, trusting God simply because there is no other god or power to trust but him. 

The story of the trees and the psalm about the pilgrimage through this valley both seemed to speak to my present situation.  I am glad I have roots that have grown deep enough to help me weather the present storm. 

I know that God’s plans for me are good plans even if I have no idea how they will look.  I remember his promise to care for my children and his words of love spoken to me in an earlier dark hour. I will not let myself just sit down in this valley and cry.  I will keep on this pilgrimage even if I am walking with my eyes blinded by tears.  I will keep on with whatever hope for joy ahead that I can right now.  I know deep inside, in my roots, that God is here beside me.  My hope.  My rock.  My solid foundation. 

 

 

 

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Monday

Monday –
     the day when everyone at work asks “How was your weekend?”

This is work.  I’m the boss.  Dental offices are not always the cheeriest places anyway.  What am I supposed to say?  Crappy – about as sad as they get? 

Not likely.

So, much of the day was spent pushing my emotions under cover. 

Then I managed to have a good talk with someone.  That helped.

Little things like that are small gifts.  Thank you God.

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Lord Have Mercy

I was in the middle of posting some painful stuff about love – watching it die.  Maybe it is more true to say that it is killing something in my son.  I feel helpless.  So I tried to put it into words but couldn’t.

Then I remember that in our weakness  God shows his strength.  Well, we are pretty weak and helpless right now.

Lord have mercy on this fragile thing of a marriage.
Have mercy on the little guy who already is caught in the middle.
Give us some of your wisdom.  Grant our prayers for healing.
Lord have mercy.

 

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