More on Ruthless Trust

Brennan Manning sums up his book pretty well in the last few pages when he says:

            “Ruthless trust is an unerring sense, way deep down, that beneath the surface agitation, boredom, and insecurity of life; it’s going to be all right.  Ill winds may blow, more character defects may surface, sickness may visit, and friends will surely die; but a stubborn, irrefutable certainty persists that God is with us and loves us in our struggle to be faithful.   A nonrational, absolutely true intuition perdures that there is something unfathomably big in the universe (kabod), something that points to Someone who is filled with peace and power, love and undreamed of creativity – Someone who inevitably will reconcile all things in himself.

            …Why does our trust offer such immense pleasure to God?  Because trust is the pre-eminent expression of love.  Thus, it may mean more to Jesus when we say, “I trust you,” than when we say, “I love you.”

            …”Lord Jesus, I trust you; help my lack of trust.”  (p.180,181)

And my response to this book?  Well, it was timely; reading it at a time when I find myself questioning what God is doing in me and my family; finding trust difficult since nothing seems to work out the way I think it should.  Asking “So does God really love me when bad stuff happens?”  Intellectually and experientially I know what the answer is and hang onto that knowledge when there are no positive feelings.

Trust, ruthless trust?  That is hard.  That means trusting when the future is unknown and when looking back I am confronted by numerous mistakes; when all my efforts at parenting seem to backfire; when my mouth shoots off on me and I hurt people I should be loving. My kids have their problems but it is the stupid things I do that really are hard to live with. Trusting that God actually loves me, and is working out his will in me requires a trust that I struggle with.

I find myself saying to God, “I don’t know exactly what you are doing with me, but go ahead and do whatever it is. Just please make it good because this stuff hurts and I have to trust you that all this is not for nothing.” 

Like Manning’s last words, mine are also “Lord Jesus, I trust you; help my lack of trust.” 

 

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Will work on these pictures

The picture uploads seem to have a glitch.  Have to go to work but I will reload them later.


Update – loaded the pictures by ftping them.  Some glitch in the prairie fusion uploader?  Likely I am doing some little thing wrong but I don’t know what it is.  Anyway – see below for the pictures.

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Of Goldfish and Weddings

I have never been to a wedding before where in order to entice the bride and groom to display their kissing skills, one had to swallow a goldfish live.  But Hey – it was their wedding and they are kind of crazy! 

The mother of the groom did it.  But the mother of the bride(my sister) would not meet her challenge.  I think she said something to the effect of – “We can see them kiss some other time.  There is no way I’m doing that!”

So it was a fairly unique wedding in some ways! 

We had fun.  Lots of relatives and visiting and cousins having fun. 

And this one is especially for her dad. 

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Spring

Today felt like spring.  It was warm and the sun was shining.  The trees are budding out although it is still too early for leaves.  And the days are getting so long.  Almost 9 now and the sky is light still.  Golfing has begun so in the house the TV is silent.  This is my favorite time of year.  The mosquitos are just beginning to show themselves so it is nice to sit outside almost bug free. 

I went for a walk along the river tonight and then just sat for awhile on the riverbank.  Just watching the water; listening to the geese; watching the sunset and the three brilliant white jet streams streaking across the pink orange of the sky.

I’m glad nature is so beautiful.  It helps me hold on to the fact that there is more order and normalcy in my world than I think some days.  Maybe not in the little world of me but out in God’s big universe.  Some days life seems pretty confusing for me and my own reactions seem off kilter.  I react in ways I least want to.  There seem to be too many days when it seems like God has so much work to do on changing me to any sort of likeness of himself.  

It’s a good thing this relationship with him doesn’t depend on my efforts.

 

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Supper with Dad

I have a niece getting married this weekend in Regina.  Her mother, my sister and her husband are working in Egypt for a sabbatical year so are taking a one week leave to get her married off.  They are packing a lot of things into this one week.  Today they all came up to visit my dad who will not be able to travel to Regina to attend the wedding.

We were able to bring supper in and spend a couple of hours with dad.  It was good seeing my little sister again too.

This is going to be a fun wedding.  They have to wait till Bingo is done on Friday night to decorate the hall – I suspect the place is “reasonably priced.  We were told the ceremony would be very reverant and the party after would be very fun.  I think it will be. 

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What kind of miracles?

Mondays work out to be my best day to do some walking.  This evening was crisp and cool but with hardly any wind and, with a pair of gloves to keep my hands warm, it was perfect.  For some reason, there were hardly any other walkers out.  When I am alone, I keep myself company.  Sometimes I pray as I walk; sometimes I tell myself stories.  Tonight I did both. 

First of all, I was retelling myself the story of how Jesus fed the crowd of over 5000.  I was imagining how I might tell it to kids but by the end I was telling it to myself.

A young boy, no doubt fascinated by the words and actions of Jesus, must have wormed his way to the front of this crowd.  I’m sure if his mother had been around, she would have made him behave and maybe there would have been no great meal.  Anyway, he sees and probably hears the disciples talking over their dilemma about the hungry people.  I wonder what he felt.  I would guess that Jesus stirred within him a desire to help.  How silly to think that his little lunch would help.  But he boldly goes up to one of these big people and offers his little sac of lunch.  And I can just imagine his wonder as Jesus lifts it up and blesses it, then reaches in and continues to draw out of it more and more fish and bread – enough to feed everyone there.

I ended my walk realizing that Jesus wants to do the same for our resources as he did with this young boy’s lunch.  No matter how inconsequential our little sac of resources is, Jesus will do wonders with it.  We have to give him that little sac of talents and abilities or finances or whatever and he will bless it and continue to draw out of it till we are all astonished at what he has accomplished.

So I think we should, like little kids, sneak up to the front where we can see and hear Jesus really well.  I think if we sit up close and really listen we won’t be able to resist responding when he says he needs something that we have in our hands.

If we did that, I wonder what kind of miracles we would see him do?

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Deadlines

Well, today was pretty much it for pushing the deadline for paying the old taxes.  Penalties start to accumulate as of tomorrow.  So that is how part of our afternoon was spent – signing papers and signing cheques.

We also are amazed at how these things seem to work out.  And so we talked about that a bit.  We are still not achieving our goal of a 10% tithe – at least not in our receipted giving.  It is hard to judge these things as we don’t really know our income until things have been tallied up at the end of the year.  So we mentioned to our accountant that we are still not giving as much as we would like to.  I think Leo put it “still robbing God a bit”.  She assured us that we do a whole lot more than some.  But I guess that is not the point – just to do better than some.  So that is one of our challenges for the coming year. 

Between taxes, tithing and RRSP contributions, it seems that there is little left to live on some months.  We live in an “opulent state of poverty” as my hubby would say.  I think we have just been abundantly blessed.  We have never once not been able to pay those darn taxes.  Sometimes the ways the money shows up at the last minute are so obviously God providing that it is fairly humbling.

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What a few words can do

This morning I got to help serve breakfast to about 24 Junior High kids at the church.  They had been up all night – Twelve Hours of Madness – in preparation for Junior High Jam in Alberta.  It helps them get to know each other a bit.  Saskatchewan is a big place and Covenant Churches are a long ways apart so these kids don’t get together very often.  They were a very quiet bunch this morning.  Being up all night quiets even the best. 

One thing I noted – some of the kids thanked us for the food.  Not all of them.  It was nice to hear the “thank you’s”.  They were not expected from the kids – at least by myself.  Just a simple thing but it felt good.

Then I went over to the Mayors Prayer Breakfast.  It was better than I expected.  Well, the food was nothing to write home about, just pretty ordinary hotel breakfast fare, but the words spoken were unexpectedly good.  I have always been pretty critical of the mayor but his story impressed me more than I thought it would.  Maybe this kind of public exposure of his faith will provoke him to exercise his faith more visibly in his role as mayor.  Not in a falsely pious sort of way but on some issues his stance has not come across as “christian” at all, in fact sometimes he seems on the opposite side of what is generally considered the public good.  But no matter what, I will be less harsh in judging him.

 

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Sara the Driver

Today a milestone was passed.  My household has no more student drivers!!  She passed.  Her only restriction is to wear her glasses.  Only lost 8 points.  She did the wrong sequence of signal, shoulder check, then change lanes a couple of times and did not end up parallel to the curb at the end of her park.  Not bad for someone who can’t back out of our driveway yet.

Our driveway is the litmus test for reverse driving.  First of all, my little CRV has to be backed out of the garage.  This requires a  slight turn in order to get past the porch steps and around the corner of the house.  Then the driveway is a fairly narrow one to negotiate.  While passing the house, another slight adjustment has to be made, keeping the vehicle parallel to the house till past the little part sticking out, turning towards the house again to avoid ending up in the neighbors yard.  If another car is parked in the extra parking space by the front step you must avoid running into that as well. 

She can now do this but it takes several retries and about ten minutes.

But she can now try it on her own and I do not have to endure the ten minutes patiently sitting in the passenger seat trying to give good advice.

She is so glad she got her license now.  September brings in a new graduated license with a bunch of restrictions on new drivers for the first couple of years. 

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Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning

I’m about half way through the reading of Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning.  I began it awhile ago and was picking away at it fairly slowly.  Then as I was dropped into a situation of complete unknowing and chaos I found the book speaking to me.  Right when I needed to be reminded about trust.  Right when I needed my faith to hold up under fire.

     But what about doubts and worries?  Do they too, signal a rejection of God’s Kingdom?
     Not necessarily.  There can be no faith without doubt, no hope without anxiety, and no trust without worry.  These shadow us from dawn to dusk; indeed, they appear even in our dreams.  As long as we withhold internal consent to these varied faces of fear, they are no cause for alarm, because they are not voluntary.  When they threaten to consume us, we can overpower them with a simple and deliberate act of trust: “Jesus, by your grace I grow still for a moment and I hear you say, ‘Courage!  It’s me!  Don’t be afraid.’  I place my trust in your presence and your love.  Thank you.” …

     After the initial experience, perseverance in the life long quest for greater intimacy with Jesus, no matter how often we stumble and fall, is not only the antidote to hopelessness and despair; it is the sure path to divine certitude that overcomes all doubts, anxieties, and worries…  (p104, 105)

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