LineaLanoie's Weblog

Jordon Cooper has a link on his site to an article from Christianity Today – an interview with Eugene Peterson.  It seems to be hitting right where I am at as far as my needing congruence – a good sense of alignment of who I am and what I do.  I think I get too caught up in wanting the contemplative side of my life to take precedence but I am also a person who has been given certain practical gifts and, as far as I know, I need to continue to use them.  I guess I need to find a renewed sense of being useful to God where I am now.  I need to live out my life in this constant tension between the practical work world in which I live and the world of the spirit where I would like to dwell.

I especially liked the following quotes from the article:

“Do not let the word “contemplative” throw you off, Peterson admonished. He is not interested in an isolated life spent pondering high-minded concepts. Instead, the contemplative Christian life can be described by what he saw in Tournier—a life lived with “wholeness, honesty, without contrivance.” One word that comes to mind is authenticity, but the one Peterson used over and over was congruence—the alignment of who you are and what you do, the harmony of the ends you seek and the means you use to achieve them….”

“It’s easier to talk about what Christians do—life as performance,” Peterson said. But the three pieces of Jesus’ fundamental declaration that he is the way, the truth, and the life, must be in perfect correspondence. “Only when we live Jesus’ truth in Jesus’ way do we get Jesus’ life,” Peterson said. Not his truth in our way for the sake of our life….”

“He introduced this baffling paradox of the Christian life. “This is slow work; it cannot be hurried. This is urgent work; it cannot be procrastinated.” In American culture, in which “fast” is equated with “good,” this is a contradiction. What’s worse about the contemplative life, he told me afterwards, is that “most of the time you’re unconscious of it. … The minute you start thinking about it, you mess it up; there’s a sense of always having dissonance.”

I do want my life to be in proper alignment – to be living Jesus’ way, to be doing what I do the way I do it because of Jesus living in me. 

I think there is a lot of truth to the statement about the contemplative life best being lived unconsciously.  I begin to lose the purpose he called me to when I start to worry if there is perhaps a more contemplative life for me somewhere.  I need to live in the “now” doing the jobs he has placed right in front of me. Sort of need to keep my feet on the ground, hands in the mouths, eyes on Jesus.  Above all keep my eyes on Jesus.

Tonight I went over to the church again to walk the prayer walk.  Each time I go it seems to change me in a subtle but sure way.  It is as if I am an onion and each time I go God takes off another layer – getting to my core.  I’m not sure what we’ll get down to – what is really at the core of me – what God sees there that he wants to do something with.  I guess God knows exactly what is or isn’t there.  It’s more a problem of me not knowing what he wants or even what is there for him to want to use. 

There has been something going on within me over the past few months, maybe longer. This blog is probably part of that. A sort of dissatisfaction with the staus quo of my life.  Looking at new ways of expressing my faith and wondering where I need to go next.  Does he have any more adventures in store for me?   I guess I don’t want to become complacent or so cozy in my little corner of faith that I settle for less than he has for me.  I like it that life is an adventure.  I like the thought that God may have some new task for me or may want me to explore new ways of growing deeper in my faith.

But I find it so frustrating that this part of my journey is so lonely.  I wish I had someone to teach me more.  I read and try to study but it is hard to find someone who will teach me more about what I am reading and who can explain some of the things I am experiencing.  I don’t want to start going off in weird directions spiritually or, on the other hand, simply spinning aimlessly because I have been following my own footsteps in circles like Pooh and Piglet rather than following God.  And I think this is an easier trap to fall into than I would like to think.  I am afraid that my looking for new experiences is the easy way out and distracts me from accomplishing what God has right before me – that maybe God still has a use for me doing what I am doing now.  Or does he have some of both the new and the old in his plans for me?

The women I am studying The Jesus I Never Knew by Yancy with are a big help.  It is good to be with a group that is interested in growing in faith.  But I feel so inadequate to be any kind of a leader because I am still searching for so much more in my own faith.  I sort of feel like a toddler in front of a candy dish wanting more, more, more of the experience of knowing God.  And then in the back of my head there is this little voice that says – “Grow up and act more sedately.  You’re too old and experienced to get all excited or even want to get excited about God.  And for heavens sake use more spiritual language when you speak to him!”

So I will go again through the prayer walk, looking for some sort of clarity as I sort through these questions in my life.  It is very good to have a place to go – a sacred space for me these days.

In preparing for a week of prayer at the church, I came across this poem.  It is one that I have read before and it touches me each time with an awareness of Jesus’s incredible love for our fallen world.

The Coming

R. S. Thomas,   Wales, 1913 –.

And God held in his hand

A small globe.  Look, he said,

The son looked.  Far off,

As through water, he saw

A scorched land of fierce

Colour.  The light burned

There; crusted buildings

Cast their shadows; a bright

Serpent, a river

Uncoiled itself, radiant

With slime.

                   On a bare

Hill a bare tree saddened

The sky.  Many people

Held out their thin arms

To it, as though waiting

For a vanished April

To return to its crossed

Boughs.  The son watched

Them.  Let me go there, he said.

R. Atwan, G. Dardess, P. Rosenthal, (eds)  Divine Inspiration  The Life of Jesus in World Poetry, Oxford University Press, 1998 , p. 7

Last week we got news that the brother and sisters of our boys, Patrick and Christian, have been refused visa’s to join us here in Canada.  All we and their parents would like is for them to be able to get a good education.  It  is hard to do that in the Congo, even though their father makes big sacrifices to provide for the best education he can.  This is especially true for the girls and I believe the girls are the biggest worry for Jacques now.  The boy can possibly make it through school, but for girls – getting an education is frought with huge risks – all the demands that can be made on young women in a sexually promiscuous society. 

The news we were afraid would throw the brothers into despair has been taken in stride so far.  But we know that they are disappointed and frustrated by the seeming injustices that are heaped upon those from Africa who apply for any sort of entry into Canada – even if it is just for a visit.  The judgement is usually made that there is not enough reason for the person to return to Africa.  Sometimes they are right but in this case, we feel they are deciding the case based on presuppositions. 

So we have about two months to ask for an appeal.  I guess we will do that.  More paper work ahead!

For those of you who would like to see what kept me so busy last week, I have posted some wedding pictures down in the photos section.  Enjoy!

This was one of the squares made for the wedding.  I promised to put the recipe for it on this site so here goes:

It is basically a shortbread to which chocolate chunks and orange zest ahs been added.  You could probably adapt this to any favorite shortbread recipe.

3/4 cup butter
1/2 cup icing sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/8 tsp salt
1 1/3 cups flour

1 tsp orange zest or orange peel
1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chunks or chips

Beat the butter till smooth, add the sugar and orange peel and beat till light and fluffy.  Add the vanilla and salt.
Stir in the flour and the chocolate chunks

Bake in an ungreased baking pan at 300 for about 30 to 40 minutes – till light golden brown.