Don’t you just love it when a reader called”Payday Advance” comments on how nice the last blog entry was. So personal!
Am I cynical? Who sends those things?
So, my heart was acting up.
An incident like this gives one a new perspective, although I know that this was not one of those life threatening events. Just the same, it made me think. It was after all my heart, not some part that I could dispose of easily.
And, although my mom did not die of heart disease, it seems as if she did have evidence of an old infarct at autopsy. A small infarct at some time I guess. She was only two years older than me when she passed away, although it was from an aneurysm and totally unexpected.
So, on the way up to the hospital I thought about the unpredictability of life. How it is important to live life fully while one has it; to enjoy each day as a gift from God; to appreciate the people God put into my life to love – my kids and my grandkids, my family and friends.
I guess it is a good thing to reflect on the things of great value in life from time to time. Maybe I should learn how to do that without the heart flutters – it would save the people around me some worry.
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Filed under Day to Day, Dealing with stuff
Beep ____ beep, beep beep
That was an interesting way to start a morning. Not highly recommended but definitely different than my typical Sunday morning.
I woke up this morning around 4 feeling a bit weird. My heart was fluttering around without its usual regular rhythm. I lay there for a bit expecting things to settle back into a regular rhythm but after I hadI waited lying there for about 30 minutes, it was still fluttering away.
I nudged Leo and he reached over and took my pulse. Yeah, I had some extra beats. He turned over and went back to sleep.
Well, I wasn’t getting much sleep so I got up to make the morning coffee since I was awake anyway. Having made that decision I decided that maybe tea would be healthier so I made both and sat down for quiet cup. Heart is still racing away. It is hard to relax when ones heart is not beating a regular rhythm and especially as it seems to be getting no better and maybe a tad worse.
By the time I went upstairs with a cup of coffee for Leo, I was feeling very light headed and a bit breathless. Leo checked me again and then said, “I will take a quick shower and then we are going up to the hospital.” When Leo comes out with a suggestion like that, I take him seriously. I really am not feeling well.
By the time we got up to the hospital of course my heart had settled back into its regular pattern. Not a blip out of place. But I have something or other that has moved to the left or right or somewhere on the EKG and I get lots of questions about did I ever have chest pain. Women can have silent heart attacks but I sure do not remember any particular pain or other symptoms that would seem to indicate that. My O2 saturation was low so they put me on Oxygen for a bit, did a few tests that all came back OK and then let me go home. I will probably have to wear a monitor to check the old ticker out more but for now all seems well – just a bit tired.
So here’s to the afternoon nap!
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Tired
This morning was a tough morning for me. So tonight I guess it is not too surprising that I feel mostly like a limp vegetable. Vegging out – maybe that is what it means.
I was in the OR today – all day. There are always extra stresses doing treatment under time pressure. There is so much to do and we have given an estimate of how much time we think we will need so that we can reasonably get all our cases done in the time available. We try to estimate accurately but there are always surprises. Time consuming surprises.
The first case took about 3 hours instead of 2.
The patient was mentally challenged, a teen now. We have seen her for several years in our office, needing to do work for her under general anesthesia every couple of years. This year was not good. I suppose she doesn’t like to have her teeth brushed and likely her diet contains a lot of sugars. At least from the look of her teeth. I understand the difficulties of her caregivers but sometimes an easy diet or not insisting on simple hygiene habits can be devastating.
Her teeth were soft. 14 fillings and 5 extractions soft. The 5 teeth extracted were slated to have fillings only a few months ago. It is a long time since I have tried to do fillings on teeth where there was no line of demarcation between healthy enamel and decaying enamel. So the fillings just kind of went around, from one side to the other.
I don’t know if I did anything good for her or not. Oh, yes, for a few months the teeth I filled will be intact. But then what? I don’t usually feel hopeless, I don’t usually feel as if everything I am doing is for nothing, but that is how I felt this morning. I don’t like to think about what it will be like the next time I see her. She is only 15.
Sometimes what I do seems like such a tiny drop in the bucket.
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Filed under Dealing with stuff, Dental
Freedom
Just a verse that has been going through my mind a lot lately:
John 8: 31 and 32
31 Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
I think it is telling me not to be afraid of investigating truth because God is found there. The kind of truth that is illuminated by God’s wisdom is freeing, not something to fear.
So, I must spend time really listening to God as I study.
You know I think I’ve been in this place before. God was there and I learned to trust him/her to b e a bit bigger than an old image of him was. There was freedom from fear there as well.
I guess I should trust that my questions won’t scare God away.
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Filed under Dealing with stuff, Devotional Reading
Women as Weapons of War
It happens in the Congo. Disturbing, a bit graphic and so sad. Check out this episode of 60 Minutes.
Thanks for bringing it to my attention, Jordon.
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Filed under Africa, In the News
Open or Classical?
We began quite the discussion tonight deciding to delve into the book God of the Possible by Gregory Boyd. The Open view of God as opposed to the Classical view is explored in his book. We decided to read it since last week we were grappling with some of the issues it discusses – issue that keep coming up in conversations about God.
I’m not sure we knew what we were getting into.
I looked up some stuff on the internet to see what was being said about this and came up with this and this. Lots of interesting discussion.
I think we will certainly stretch our minds a bit as we discuss this. We are no theologians but we need to be aware of this and weigh the evidence for both sides as best we can. I personally find that the open view makes sense to me but I also know that God’s ways are not always going to be understood by me. I can accept that. I also know that it is not necessary for me to choose between the viewpoints but to learn from both.
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Filed under Books and Articles, Dealing with stuff, Devotional Reading
Quote from Nouwen
Another quote from Henri Nouwen that is just too good not to repeat.
The Still, Small Voice of Love
Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, “Prove that you are a good person.” Another voice says, “You’d better be ashamed of yourself.” There also is a voice that says, “Nobody really cares about you,” and one that says, “Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful.” But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says, “You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you.” That’s the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen.That’s what prayer is. It is listening to the voice that calls us “my Beloved.”
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Filed under Devotional Reading, Quotes
My Day
Today was just one of those days – nothing special. Just routine.
Get up (slowly) eat, go for groceries. Deliver the coffee cups to the church. Put away groceries at home.
Clean off all the counter tops in the kitchen so I could take pictures at the request of the people who made and installed them. ( looks rather nice in the kitchen with uncluttered counter tops.
Practice. I can now play the Brandenberg Concerto No. 3 page 1 in less than 30 minutes. Gee, I could perform an hour concert with less than three pages of music!
And then reading. I have lots of reading to do for my paper. And it is not always easy to read this stuff without falling asleep. So I did that too for awhile.
Made supper, went up to the hospital to visit a friend.
Didn’t do much else and soon it is time to end the day.
I wish more of my days passed at this pace.
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From Nouwen
Growing Beyond Self-Rejection
One of the greatest dangers in the spiritual life is self-rejection. When we say, “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t love me,” we choose the road toward darkness. Often we are made to believe that self-deprecation is a virtue, called humility. But humility is in reality the opposite of self-deprecation. It is the grateful recognition that we are precious in God’s eyes and that all we are is pure gift. To grow beyond self-rejection we must have the courage to listen to the voice calling us God’s beloved sons and daughters, and the determination always to live our lives according to this truth.
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Filed under Devotional Reading, Quotes
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