… today has enough troubles of it’s own.
I feel absolutely depressed right now. Oppressed. Last night I had an argument with my daughter who wanted to sleep over at her friends. She did not want to come home at the time I told her. So a sleepover is a good way to get around that. But I insisted. I know it is my right and responsibility as a parent to set some limits. But sometimes it makes me feel lousy. And when I am single parenting I am most vulnerable – there not being much backup for my nasty parent role.
Then, I had to inform my daughter again that she was not taking off during her church class time. She responded to me with her don’t touch me attitude. That hurts. It sucks. There is just no easier way to make me feel like a scummy mother.
In the middle of this parenting challenge I know that I need to spend time talking to God. I know that he is right here with me. So with no husband home my time is pretty much free for me to use it any way I want to. I got up early, made cinnamon buns, started dinner and spent time with God.
Now, we are home getting ready for what should be a great dinner. And my appetite is gone. She hasn’t talked to me since I sent her to class. She wouldn’t even drive home with me to practice her driving.
God, help me.
I just want to do what’s right and it seems to end up being so hard.
I should not be surprised when God comes and meets my needs. I know he hears me crying out to him, but it is really hard to relax and not worry about the kids and just trust him to do his own work in their lives.
I had just sat down with Leo to tell him all my struggles with the kid in question. And he is tired, coming off a night of emergencies that didn’t give him any time for sleep(and I sat beside him and didn’t let him get any sleep during the sermon) so he doesn’t need to hear me complaining about the difficulties of my life. But he listened anyway.
And then the kid in question came up and stuff got straightened out between us just like that – as if there had never been any conflict. Was I imagining things? Nope – the silent treatment was too real.
So did she mellow out because … No I don’t think I will even go there! Just trust that one to God.
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