Monthly Archives: May 2004

Life being a parent is hard.  We give up a lot of what we want or so we think.  And then again we get a lot of what we want the most love.  Anyway, I have hard times with my kids and it helps at those times to read the story of another mother, Anne Lamott, who writes about her son, Sam.  And she, being a real writer, says it in much better ways than I can.  So here are excerpts from an article by her found over at salon.com.  You can link to it here.  And all of you who leave comments on my blog about my struggles with my kids – you help too.  A lot.  Thanks.

This is worth the read if you are sometimes a frustrated or angry parent like me.

From Sam is Thirteen  – asking her priest friend what Jesus would have done with thirteen year olds:

“What would he have done with 13-year-olds?” I asked.

“In Bible times, they used to stone a few 13-year-olds with some regularity, which helped keep the others quiet and at home. The mothers were usually in the first row of stone throwers, and had to be restrained.”

 …

“I thought of my friend Tom, and wanted to ask, “What on earth did Mary do, when Jesus was 13?”

Here’s what I think: She occasionally started gathering rocks.

If we take the incarnation seriously, then even nice old Jesus was 13 once, a human 13-year-old. He learned by doing, like we have to. He had to go through adolescence. So it must have been awful sometimes. Do you know anyone for whom adolescence was consistently OK? But in his case, we don’t know for sure. We see him earlier, in the Bible, at 12, when he’s speaking to the elders in the Temple. He’s great with the elders, like Sam is always fabulous with other grown-ups. They can’t believe he’s such an easygoing kid, with such good manners. In the Temple, Jesus says things so profound that the elders are amazed. They’re wondering, “Who’s this kid’s teacher?” They don’t know that Jesus’ teacher was the Spirit.

But at the same time he’s blowing the elders away, how is he treating his parents? I’ll tell you — he’s making them crazy. He’s ditched them. They can’t find him for three days — some of you know what it’s like to not find your kid for three hours. You die. Mary and Joseph have looked everywhere, in the market, at the video arcade. Finally they find him in the last place they thought to look — the temple. And immediately, he mouths off — oh, sorry, sorry, I was busy doing all this other stuff — my father’s work. Like, Joseph, you’re not my real father. I don’t even have to listen to you.

And what is Mary doing this whole time?

Mary’s got a rock in her hand. “

… 

… today has enough troubles of it’s own.

I feel absolutely depressed right now.  Oppressed.  Last night I had an argument with my daughter who wanted to sleep over at her friends.  She did not want to come home at the time I told her.  So a sleepover is a good way to get around that.  But I insisted.  I know it is my right and responsibility as a parent to set some limits.  But sometimes it makes me feel lousy.  And when I am single parenting I am most vulnerable – there not being much backup for my nasty parent role. 

Then, I had to inform my daughter again that she was not taking off during her church class time.  She responded to me with her don’t touch me attitude.  That hurts.  It sucks.  There is just no easier way to make me feel like a scummy mother. 

In the middle of this parenting challenge I know that I need to spend time talking to God.   I know that he is right here with me.  So with no husband home my time is pretty much free for me to use it any way I want to.  I got up early, made cinnamon buns, started dinner and spent time with God.

Now, we are home getting ready for what should be a great dinner.  And my appetite is gone.  She hasn’t talked to me since I sent her to class.  She wouldn’t even drive home with me to practice her driving.

God, help me. 

I just want to do what’s right and it seems to end up being so hard.

I should not be surprised when God comes and meets my needs.  I know he hears me crying out to him, but it is really hard to relax and not worry about the kids and just trust him to do his own work in their lives.

I had just sat down with Leo to tell him all my struggles with the kid in question.  And he is tired, coming off a night of emergencies that didn’t give him any time for sleep(and I sat beside him and didn’t let him get any sleep during the sermon) so he doesn’t need to hear me complaining about the difficulties of my life.  But he listened anyway. 

And then the kid in question came up and stuff got straightened out between us just like that – as if there had never been any conflict.  Was I imagining things?  Nope – the silent treatment was too real.

So did she mellow out because …  No I don’t think I will even go there!  Just trust that one to God.

Well it has been one year.  Just a baby still but it has been a fun year.

meanwhile we have weather that changes from one minute to the next.  One moment warm – like spring.  The next – spitlets of snow.

Weather

Capricious elements
Tempt the fecund earth.
Rain,
Promise of spring,
Laced with snow.