Category Archives: Reflections

June 13, 2015 · 8:52 am

Help Needed – With Love

Sometimes it is so obvious that God is moving that it is almost frightening. It is sort of like being invited into an event that is already orchestrated, being told where to stand, what to do. It is evident that what is happening is not being done on my own initiative.  At the same time my role seems to be vital to the event. Although the opening of the outreach centre for Gateway is still pending, waiting for the nod from the health board, it seems as if this is going to happen. It makes me wonder, “Why me, God? I am not really the best qualified person for a job like this. Don’t you think a social worker or an addictions worker would be better equipped?” Maybe it is because I am available and can see the needs. Maybe God just wants to show up in ways that are definitely not dependant on my adequacy for the job. I know already that I will have to rely on the wisdom and grace of God to run this drop in centre. I want it to be a place where some of the neediest in our city will encounter the love of Christ. But that is in itself a huge responsibility and necessitates my reliance on God for help. Which in turn means that I have to spend time with God listening to God. Already there are demands on my time that encroach on that time so I need to make it one of my highest priorities.

One of the realities of helping people, of loving them enough to want to help them, is that they make demands on my time – rides, a need to talk, sick people to visit, financial help needed, driver’s lesson practice. I think these are tasks I have been called to help with. Of course I can’t take care of everyone’s needs so I need discernment and wisdom on what to do. I think that setting appropriate boundaries is going to be a challenge – setting boundaries on what I can do without setting boundaries on the love of God that I reflect. I suppose part of this will be directing these folk to agencies and other people who want to step in and help too. It was a good reminder reading the account of Jethro’s advice to Moses in Exodus 18 that others need to be enlisted to help.

So, God, give me wisdom and an ability to discern where to use my time and resources and lots of love for the people I will meet and send others also gifted with love to join me in this work.

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May 25, 2015 · 7:50 am

We Begin Again

I need to take up journaling again. Studies done, there will be time for reflection on the day’s events – and time to write these reflections down.

I am beginning to read a book by Jan Richardson, In the Sanctuary of Women. In the introduction she tells the story of prayer books being found during the renovation of an ancient convent. She speaks of the image of a woman with a book of prayer in hand, of this being a way for these medieval women to participate in the Word and pass the Word on to others. I like that image. I do pray that my study of the Word will allow me to participate in the work of God in the world, passing onto others the good news that God actually wants to be involved in our daily lives.

The author goes on to state that prayer was “intertwined” with the “daily life (of these women) and with significant events such as giving birth and entering into death. She believes that “We have struggled to know our lives as sacred texts, to perceive the ways that God has written God’s own story within us, to understand how the Word still seeks to take flesh in and through us.” Perhaps in returning to my blog as journal, I may share some of the text of my life’s journey so that others can see ways in which the Word is taking flesh in me.

Most of my life I consider rather routine and mundane till others point out the amazing places this journey of participating in the Word has taken me. God still continues to allow me breath to continue the journey and as I begin to enter into a new phase of that journey and the challenges that will come, I know I will need all the strength God will give me. By sharing this part of my journey, may you also develop eyes to see God in the places you go.

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Filed under Day to Day, Devotional Reading, Quotes, Reading, Reflections

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September 20, 2013 · 1:57 pm

It grows on one

The one being me.

The other day as I was driving back from Moose jaw towards Caronport I found myself looking off at the horizon and thinking; “God has made some beautiful country out here.”  There is a hill actually that I had not paid attention to before and it caught my eye thinking of Psalm 121.  “I lift my eyes up to the hills, Does my help come from there?”  No.  The presence of God does not depend on the presence of hills or mountains or trees or any created thing.  They are nice to look at but they are really only signposts to the one who created them and who is always present.

Then I joined a house church group (which is really more like a small group than a separate church gathering) and the scripture we delved into was Psalm 121.  I got to know some local people and I think I needed that as much as the reminder that God’s presence is constant – hills or no hills.

So this Sunday I am making a trek into Moose Jaw to check out the Anglican church which has a very welcoming web site and since I now know a couple others who attend there, I am hoping to find a home away from home there.  I find myself longing for the richness of liturgy and should get a good dose there.

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Filed under church, Reflections, seminary experiences

September 6, 2013 · 10:12 pm

And Here I am, Far from Home

It’s Friday night and here I sit in my room, Greek texts out, reviewing for a quiz on Monday.  I’ve been doing this most of the day off and on.  Yesterday too.  Well, actually, I rode on my bike over to the library both days and worked at this same subject there for a few hours.  And I watched a bit of TV. The woman I am living with has a little white dog so I also walked it around the block so it could use the outdoor facilities.  The fresh air did my mind no harm.  Having my head stuck in a book is beginning to feel very restrictive.

I know all this will pass – if I indeed do pass these Greek classes.  And others have before me so there is some hope.  I hang on to this hope as my brain fills up with participles and verb tenses.

Caronport is a weird sort of little town.  An island of protestant conservatism. There isn’t much to do here but study.  The Husky station has a Subway and a little restaurant and food store attached.  One can buy eggs and milk and bread and other essentials like ice cream but that is about it for eating or retail establishments.  On the plus side of the town’s report card – no one would think of stealing a bike so no need to lock it up.  Unlocked doors also feel a bit weird – trusting strangers with unprotected possessions.

Lord forbid that there should be a pub.  I think one has to smuggle strong drink in behind these unlocked doors!  Think I may just conceal a bottle of wine in my suitcase next trip down from PA. I could use a glass right now.

The town is very flat.  This is a bonus when riding a bike but I keep looking for some place of beauty – some site to feast one’s eyes on.  Some people seem to put a great effort into their yards but there is little in the way of natural beauty.  Until one looks at the sky and the horizon at sunset.  God seems to have stored up all the missed beauty from the flat landscape and poured it out into colour on the horizon both to greet and to bid farewell to the day.  And so as I sit in the morning by my window talking to God, I give him special thanks for this beauty which he paints above me.  “Let my soul rise to meet you, as the day rises to meet the sun.” And as I say those words I remember that God is a constant presence – my unfailing companion – even in this time away from so many people and things that I love. The sun continues to rise; God continues to be my God; I continue to search for more of him.

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Filed under Day to Day, Dealing with stuff, prayer, Reflections, Studying, Travels

February 23, 2013 · 11:47 pm

A Brief Appearance

I think I am back in this space because it seems a more appropriate space than Facebook.  Facebook would be Ok since what I will say won’t be long and maybe not terribly profound except to those who know how to read between my lines.

I have been up in Edmonton leading in a small retreat for the women of Sanctuary Covenant Church – Friday evening through tonight.  No sleepovers.  Just meeting at the house; Sanctuary Place.  Sharing in study and meals. Together in the presence of God, listening to him as we shared stories and considered how we could draw closer to God and to each other, how we could deepen our relationships so that we could also help those hovering on the peripheries of the circle join us in our journey deeper into God.  (Thanks Randall for reminding me of the great way a wheel can be useful to illustrate this)

And for me it was a weekend of experiencing the presence of God.  God the creator of words was there as we shared and he was sufficient – well, actually way more than sufficient.  Exodus 4:10-12. 

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October 7, 2011 · 12:54 pm

Hopes and Dreams

This weekend is full of the meaning of hopes and dreams.  Judy and Kendell will be married at about this time tomorrow.  Love will find its home in their hopes and dreams for a life together.

And my dreams? And hopes? Well I will be trying out the pastor role in new ways as I lead them in the service of marriage.  I think all is ready.  But who really knows?  I want it all to go perfectly – for their sake and mine to I guess.  

But the real test of what we accomplish tomorrow will be how they approach life together from here on.  Praying that God will bless his work tomorrow.

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July 18, 2011 · 9:25 am

My time

I have decided that I have a strange character.  I am such an introvert and yet I love people.  That is where my problem arises.  I panic when I am thinking about people coming and filling up all my space and time with their energy.  Their energy seems to mean that I must be willing to be drained by theirs. 

I am rejuvenated by silence and by being alone.  If I don’t have some periods of intense and prolonged solitude, I find myself panicking more quickly, coming to a place where I can’t respond to others in any way that reflects how much I really do like them.   

This summer is a summer for people.  I love it but it seems as if all my free time is full of doing – going – providing.  All things a grandmother should love.  I am anticipating a tiring summer.  I may end up loving it – and probably will.  My home is full of love, food and good times.  But inside I am wishing to run away – to a quiet place where I could just sit, no one else would set my agenda, I could read all night or sleep all night if I wished.  Maybe there will be time for this in … But I can’t forsee when this time will be.  My fall is even filling up.  So I panic.

Who will I become, what will I be?  I will have to learn to snatch bits of time and hoard them for my spirit’s health.  Maybe I will just have to make the seconds of solitude count for more.  Each moment will have to be savoured and the sweetness of it mined for the small drops of energy they provide.  Perhaps I will become a storehouse of moments – moments I choose to hold silently and live into as fully as I can.

I guess I will see what is left at the end of this summer.  I have always found this space a good thing.  Something I do in silence and alone.  There are just fewer moments to come here too.

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January 4, 2011 · 7:38 am

Good words

from Henri Nouwen

Fruits That Grow in Vulnerability
There is a great difference between successfulness and fruitfulness. Success comes from strength, control, and respectability. A successful person has the energy to create something, to keep control over its development, and to make it available in large quantities. Success brings many rewards and often fame. Fruits, however, come from weakness and vulnerability. And fruits are unique. A child is the fruit conceived in vulnerability, community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds. Let’s remind one another that what brings us true joy is not successfulness but fruitfulness.

 

Visit HenriNouwen.org for more inspiration

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December 20, 2010 · 3:08 pm

This waiting season

Advent is drawing to an end – to the climax of Christmas day when we celebrate the birth of Christ.   I thought I would share the final essay I submitted for my Theology class since I now have been marked on it and that bit of anxiety and waiting period is over for me.  If you want to read it all, click on  continue reading   (sorry for the American spellings – the school is USAian).

We Wait in Expectation

Almighty God, give all of us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility; that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge both the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.[1]

Recently, I was asked to reflect on the purpose and meaning of Advent with some young children from the neighborhood around our church. The children had no idea that a season of Advent existed. Their preparations for the coming season of Christmas were centered around what they wanted from Santa not on the coming celebration of the birth of Christ. Anticipation and waiting meant counting down the days till Santa came.

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Filed under Christmas, church, Quotes, Reflections, Studying, Theology

November 7, 2010 · 3:05 pm

We Remember

The other day in the pet store I had my arms full of special goodies for my Koi that are now residing in a small (10L) aquarium for the winter.  The alternative to this kind of crowded existence was death by freezing so I figure they have it pretty good.  However, the aquarium was getting sort of polluted and I decided that I’d also better invest in some kind of creature to destroy the algae.  I was sort of thinking snails but it seems that there are fish that do this job.  Not cheap fish either.  So I was shelling our $15 for one little black sucker and also grabbed some more filters and a piece of driftwood from some exotic country.  The walking encyclopaedia of fish knowledge  salesperson assured me that if there was insufficient algae, the algae eater would also derive some nutrition from the wood.  Now my aquarium is home to 6 Koi and one black algae eater, three rocks and one hunk of driftwood.  The water is now clear enough to see all these fish through the glass thanks to one little black fish.  Amazing.

While I was at the till making my purchases, a girl of about 8 years was fiddling with the display of poppies on sale for Remembrance Day.  She must have been in the store with an adult who had disappeared or who may have dropped her off for a fun time there while they shopped nearby for more adult toys.  (It is right next door to Future Shop)  She was just hanging around the till and looked a bit bored.  She looked up at me (I was wearing a poppy) and asked, “What are these for?”  I was at first a bit stunned.  Didn’t she go to school?  Don’t they teach kids anything in school anymore? Maybe she is one of those kids who doesn’t listen?  How could she not know what the poppies were for?  So I explained to her that they were to help us remember the people who had fought and died in the great wars so that we could live in a safe country in freedom.  She heard the “war” word and immediately asked if they were evil?  I assured her that no, they actually believed that they were fighting against evil in those wars. 

But, Oh dear.  I am not sure she got it at all.  She was muttering “evil” under her breath as she wandered off.

And perhaps she is partly correct.  All war is evil, even for the good causes.  Peace between all is how God intended humankind to live.  But I guess we have managed to mess that plan up fairly well.  So we have wars.  People fight for the rightness of some cause or government.  And much pain is experienced by both sides in the process.  Sometimes, I suppose, it is necessary to fight for what is right, to keep evil at bay.  Someday we may learn to settle things without resorting to war but meanwhile… 

Until then we must not forget the gift of freedom others long ago fought for, for the many soldiers who have died to maintain peace in far off places, and all the innocents that died in the crossfire.  We must remember and pray to God for better ways for nations to work things out, for God’s love for others to control our leaders decisions and for an end to cruelty and hatred for people different from ourselves.

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