Category Archives: Reflections

January 25, 2009 · 10:39 pm

Thinking about theology

Just looking at this blog and thinking…

That I haven’t had any real profound thoughts in a long while.   Not that what follows is in any way close to profound.

Although tonight we had fun discussing Mary and some of the differences between Catholic and Protestant beliefs about her.  And I brought along my great big heavy book of excerpts from Karl Rahner’s writings.  The bit about the immaculate conception was a bit obscure in its discussion  of this but I could understand the part where he states something to the effect that Mary was unique in that from the beginning God willed her to be perfectly obedient so that his plans for our salvation would take place.

But there are times when these deep theological matters really don’t seem to matter.  I doubt we understand the half of it.  How can we.  We look at things after the fact and try to make sense of things that are too big for us to ever understand.  And so we set up barriers to communication between different branches of the church and between people.

I wonder who pleases God more – theologians developing arguments or some poor soul out there handing out a blanket to some unknown street person who knows no theology other than love.

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January 18, 2009 · 2:39 pm

A Push From The Almighty

It was a beautiful morning as I left home just before sunrise this morning.  The sky was one of those amazing shades of pinky orange and I had a few extra minutes before I was due at the church for worship music practice.  I had my camera in my purse and on the spur of the moment decided to take a short detour in order to get a better picture of the sky.

You know what that means – short detours have a way of taking you  places you had NO intention of ending up. 

I thought that the road leading down to the sewage treatment plant, just on the edge of town, a few minutes from the street I take to get to church anyway, would give me the view I wanted – lots of sky and trees on one side, river on the other.

I didn’t think I was driving that close to the side of the road.  But it was way softer than I anticipated and my front right wheel got caught in the soft snow on the shoulder.  It was as if an irresistible force took hold of that wheel and pulled me right down there into the ditch. 

So, there I was.  At the bottom of a deep ditch in soft snow.  My spare minutes for photography were all of a sudden used up and I was not exactly at the church. 

I think I got a good dose of my father’s stubbornness.  I flashed back to one of those times when we, the whole family in the car, were hopelessly stuck in some mud hole on a dirt road that he had thought worthy of exploration.  We would all end up having to push or walk to the nearest farm to get help.  I swore I would never be like that! 

At least, I was alone.  Stupid maybe, but alone with my stupidity.  My stubbornness showed up about then and I decided that I would just drive out.  After all, I have a 4 wheel drive vehicle.  Well, maybe not meant for off-roading but 4 wheel drive should be good for something.  And, I was not stuck.  I mean the vehicle could move – parallel to the road in the ditch – quite freely. 

We did it, that CRV and me.  And maybe the Almighty gave me a small push between his guffaws of laughter at this silly woman who he loves too much to imagine, this daughter of another one of his beloved children.  Maybe they both had a good laugh.

I was only ten minutes late for practice.  It was a particularly good and joyful morning as I had a good laugh at myself too.

No pictures though.  The orange of the sky had disappeared.

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January 15, 2009 · 9:04 am

Just….

Some days I just wish I could stay at home.  I think I need time to let parts of me (that are always busy and rushing to something coming up next) settle down and let me catch up with myself.

My heart does not always seem to be where my body is required to be for reasons of work or home needs.  It leaves me feeling weirdly disjointed and unsettled.

There are days – like today – when it would be fun to have no demands, when it would be fun to invite Zaka over so we could watch Treehouse or look at a book or go for a walk in the cold and snow.  I’d like to pull him in our improvised sleigh and swing him around and watch his eyes sparkle.  Or play a game of hockey on my kitchen floor or crash cars with him for awhile.

With no unfinished quizzes to be concerned about, no bills to pay, no deadlines for anything, just the day to spend enjoying him.

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January 8, 2009 · 1:31 pm

Lessons

Compassion

This morning during my private talk with God in the quiet of my living room, I told him about this patient that I was dreading. Last time he was so arrogant, called me “girl” as if I was of no importance at all. The world revolved around him after all and I was just a female figure that he would use to get what he wanted – which was a new crown for his broken one – at my expense, I think. I believe he was trying to intimidate and manipulate me so that if I responded out of sympathy for his situation, he could then disappear and have his crown for free.

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Filed under Dealing with stuff, Dental, Reflections, Writings

January 2, 2009 · 11:31 am

What will change Africa?

A friend from my missionary days in the Congo posted this link on Facebook.  Very insightful, considering the writer professes to be an atheist.  I think he recognized the heart of what we believe, what we hope shows in spite of our failures – that following Christ makes a difference. 

I would contend that this may be more visible to him in Africa but it should be no less true here, in North America.

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December 12, 2008 · 8:05 am

Morning Prayer

These days where there is so much to ponder and reflect on, there seems so little time to do that.  Each weekend has its full quota of parties added on to my already busy schedule.  I am becoming quite tired and there is still much to do to get this house and home ready for Christmas.  Tree decorating will be done, tourtiere made and maybe some baking this weekend. 

I am the kind of person who needs quiet and lots of time to reflect on events.  Most of the people around me don’t really understand that I don’t think.  They have their own ways to prepare for the holiday and so we clash too often.

I need God’s gifts of love, patience and compassion if I am to reflect him at all.  So, this is my morning prayer, God make me more like you today.  Give me the gifts I need to make it through this day with grace.

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November 29, 2008 · 3:10 pm

Labyrinth

Before the Friesen’s moved out to the field, I asked Lauralea if she would create for me a finger labyrinth that I could use in prayer. I love walking a labyrinth, praying as I go in to the centre, sitting in the centre with my needs in God’s presence, waiting on him there and then going out with some sense of resolution.

Our winters don’t make walking an outdoor labyrinth too practical for such a big part of the year and the space required to set up an outdoor one means there are only a very few around – none in our city. The space needed for an indoor walking version is also huge and I don’t know of any facility in town that has had one set up, even temporarily. So, I think the finger version that she made me, although it means that only my finger actually walks, is practical and will be used often.  And it also reminds me of her as I use it.  Good memories.

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This morning I “walked” it again.

It struck me that with a labyrinth, the way to walk is so clear. There are no wrong turns to take. In this labyrinth I will not get lost. I walk towards the centre and my finger follows a well planned path; one I can feel, one that hems me in so that I stay on the right way. This morning as I was walking, I needed to be reminded that God knows my path as clearly as my finger knows the right way to move along the labyrinth’s path. I have questions about my future plans to which I do not see the answer. As I sat with God in the centre, I realized that he can hem me in and guide me along the right way just as the ridges of this labyrinth guide my fingers. So that was my prayer as I traveled out and as I begin my day.

God, hem me in. Guide me on the right path. Warn me when I begin to wander. Give me wisdom in my choices. May all my movements be consistent with who I am in you, with who you are to me. Amen.

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November 3, 2008 · 10:56 am

Sticky

It is curious how things get stuck in a person’s mind.  Like a sticky key on a keyboard.  You try to get away from it but it does not want to let go.  Keeps repeating itself.

 

In my mind anyhow.

 

So, yesterday, I lost a button off a sweater.  My favorite orange sweater.  Big square unique buttons.  They were one of the features that drew me to the sweater – that and the unique knit pattern.  And the color.

My mind is stuck.  I keep going over where it may have fallen off.  I noticed it when I came back from shopping.  I had put on an outer coat since it was pretty cold yesterday and I needed a bit extra coverage to keep the wind out.  I doubt I will ever find the lost button but that does not keep my mind from searching for it. 

 

Reminds me of the parable of the lost coin.  I wonder if people get stuck in God’s mind like my lost button has in mine.  Wonder if he just keeps looking for them till they are found or till… maybe he always keeps wondering when they will come home even if they never do. 

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November 1, 2008 · 2:39 am

Hanging out

Today was a pretty light one as far as work goes.  So I went home at noon and worked a bit on my Greek homework and then, after my afternoon stint up at Vincent Massey School, I ran some errands, picked up a few groceries and headed down to The Bison. 

Friday afternoons at the Bison. 

The last event of my Friday afternoon most weeks.  Good coffee and sometimes a treat like a Florentine to top off the week.  And talking.  Kind of like the whipped cream on dessert.  Not really essential to life but it sure made it sweeter.  And richer.  And I grew.  Good talk does that to a person.  Especially faith talk. 

Just writing that makes a lump come to my throat.  ‘Cause I miss it terribly.

But the memories are good and I will move on from these days to new ones and new memories will grow.  And, I expect, there will be new relationships and experiences that stimulate me to grow some more. 

For now, in this sort of transition time, I have been taking along my Greek and as I sit there enjoying some of the best coffee in the world, I’m also going over my vocabulary and noun rules hoping they will lodge firmly in my brain.  It has been a good to sit in this quiet place to rest from the week, slow down and let some Greek soak in.  Just hanging out in a good place.

Maybe it will become a talking place for me again someday.   

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October 30, 2008 · 2:45 pm

Memorable events

Last night Patrick asked me some questions about my marriage. He’s doing his own marriage preparation course/counseling so has this book/workbook that he is working through.

One of the questions he asked was, “What was one of the most memorable events in your marriage?”

I had no idea how to answer that one.

Not because I have had no memorable events. I think there have been so many.

There was the time he came home early from the Congo and met me at the door totally shocked. I didn’t expect to see him till the next day, yet he was there when I opened the door. That was early on in our marriage. There are a couple of other memorable events in the early part that I will leave up to your imagination. Not all of them were happy but although they are there in my memory, I do not dwell on them now. Things forgiven must stay forgiven.

Then there was the cockroach night in the Congo. I think I’ve written about that before so won’t repeat it. Not sure if he deserves forgiveness for that evening but it has become more funny than horrible as time passed.

There was the ring he gave me on our fifth anniversary – the matching band for my engagement ring. Took him 5 years of marriage to afford the thing! And I didn’t need it but he gave it to me anyway.

Over the years there have been many occasions that were special. However, there is not one single event that stands out for me as the most memorable. Our marriage has grown slowly, sometimes invisibly, through all sorts of events and trials till it has become something solid. I live with a man I trust completely, one who trusts me with the same kind of certainty. I still have a man who supports me in whatever endeavor I take on – not some sort of foolish disinterest that lets me do things that are not healthy, but he has believed in my ability to do things well and that has, by his faith in me, helped me to do well. He’s nudged me towards wholeness and completeness and I think I have done the same for him.

So there is no one event that can bring about the kind of slow and steady development that we’ve experienced through our marriage. There is love, deep and solid and trustworthy that has grown between us that is too big to attribute to an event. I guess if there is one single factor that has helped us to grow a strong marriage it has been the fact that God has been present in it from the beginning. Sometimes it has simply been the knowledge that we vowed to remain faithful to each other that has made us work at keeping our marriage strong. Partly it has been the fact that if one gives God permission to be active in a marriage, he is more than willing to use it to grow you as a couple and as individuals. Our marriage has been a gift of God to us, one of our most precious blessings and one that has required hard work as well as love to maintain.

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