LineaLanoie's Weblog

We had a visit at my office today from this little guy. Annette and her auntie came by and showed him off to everyone. This picture was taken on Saturday when Kieran was only two days old and still in the hospital. To tell you the truth he hasn’t changed much but he does open his eyes and he is beginning to gain weight again. He was to have his first bath today. I know several friends and relations are checking out this site for the pictures I posted earlier so for them here’s another one.

Today some of my staff, our summer student and I went to a little Vietnamese restaurant for lunch. We usually don’t have time but today it worked out so that we could do it by ordering ahead. Mmmmn, the barbecue pork and spring rolls on vermicelli was wonderful. Saigon River is a good place to eat.

It is also interesting from a “religious ” point of view. There is a little shrine right down on the floor in front of the cash register. Today there were some oranges and a banana placed in front of it.

It is fun to have a summer student with us again this year. I like going into my teacher mode. Yesterday I got to walk him through a fairly difficult extraction. He’s a good and eager learner. He’ll do well. He’s good with people too.

We also have a “locums” dentist this summer. She spends a few weeks with us each year. Her husband plays for the NHL (Steve Kelly- LA Kings) and they spend their summers up at Christopher Lake. She hasn’t lived long enough in one place in the states to bother getting a license there and she is busy being a mom so we provide her a place to keep her dental skills current. She’s fun to have around the office too.

I don’t know if I’ve ever been to a Monday wedding before. I didn’t exactly get to go to the wedding but I did get to the reception. It was very nice. The weddings I have been to lately have been real casual but beautiful affairs. It seemed tonight that these two kids were very much in love. Besides all the love in the air we had a great meal and good friends to share it with. Shared the table with Randall and Lauralea, Grace and Pauline.

On the way home we did what all new grandparents would do – we stopped to visit our grandson and our kids. It is funny to watch Leo and David practically fighting over who gets to hold the little guy. Wonder if they would fight over who gets to change the diaper! The true test of devotion! Annette’s auntie has come to stay with them for a few days and that is good because Annette is feeling a little tired and a bit sore. She needs spoiling for a few days.

While we were there our daughters came in. Rachelle came up from Saskatoon since she has a few days off and all the girls were going to the drive-in. Bruce Almighty and something else are playing. If I didn’t have to work tomorrow, I would have gone with them. I must be one of the only people who hasn’t seen Bruce Almighty and I am beginning to feel sorry for myself. I guess someone has to work so our kids can afford to go to movies! Oh poor old me.

Now I had better call it a night. Leo’s already gone to bed and morning will come too quickly.

Growing and discovering a deeper faith in Christ has surprisingly only fairly recently become one of my highest priorities. I think the change came due to two significant events or rather series of events in my life. I believe God put someone in my path that because of his frank and honest expressions of faith could lead me deeper in mine. And then there were some major problems that I had to face and as I dealt with them had to learn to trust God to handle them for me. The problems are still there but I am beginning to see them from a different perspective and as I get to know God better I am learning to trust him more for help.

Why did it take me so long to see what God could do in my life? I can blame lots of things but mostly they are due to my own self absorption. Depression doesn’t help and neither does a fear of looking bad in the eyes of other Christians. Partly that comes from growing up in a fairly legalistic church that sometimes placed more value on the appearance of faith than on the actual thing. I think in some ways becoming a missionary fed that kind of expectation. The strong Christian community of the mission was a good thing (we didn’t have as many illusions about ourselves) but the expectations when I came back to Canada were overwhelming. The support of a close missionary community was just whipped right out from under my feet and out from under the feet of my struggling kids. It has only taken me about ten years to get back on my feet as far as being at a point where my faith is growing again. My kids have a way to go.

I also had to learn to let go and trust God. Some of my problems were too big for me to even attempt to fix on my own so I finally let go of my distorted views of self respect and told God to take all of me and make whatever he wanted to out of my mess. And he has given me back not a burden of new expectations but joy. I have a new hunger (I don’t know a better word to describe this sensation of desire) to study what he has taught us in the Bible. Prayer has taken on a new urgency as he takes over my problem areas. I talk to him about those and I just enjoy the wonder of being able to talk to him. I want to continue on this journey because it is one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done. It’s almost too good to be true and I don’t want this feeling of wonder as I walk with him to ever end.

So that is why I wrote the following words:

Free Me

I want to go deeper God.
I want to go in
To the Holy of Holies
To the place where you shine
And have my face reflect you.

But, I cower in the dimness outside
The veil that you rent.
Too afraid, too tightly
Clinging to my self.
Chains on my feet.

If I push the torn curtain aside
Take a faltering step
There’ll be no return
To the familiar dark rooms
Where I’ve been.

Held back by my own expectations
All I think I should be
It is hard to imagine
How I would look
Unshackled, free.

Oh! Tear the curtain down Lord!
Erase my sin!
Free me from those tainted laws
That bind my feet,
And bring me deeper in.

Today has been a full day. I suspected it would be. In the wee hours of the morning the phone rang and another mother worrying about her son was on the line. Why do kids have to get so darned independent when we need the assurance of knowing where they are. Subtle rebellion or simply uncaring disregard for our concerns? Who knows? So I had a couple of sleepers still at my house when I got Christian up to go to worship practice. They were still sleeping when we all got back from church.

I thought I would have to rush home between worship practice and church to pick up my girls but Patrick who had spent the night at The Forks (this is the place where the North and South Saskatchewan rivers converge not some sleazy restaurant) came home in time for church and brought them with him. He went to camp out with a group from Quebec who are retracing one of the furtrade routes up to the Hudson Bay from Portland Oregon. It poured in the night and he got soaked.

Then I went up to the hospital to pick up my kids and the new grandson – homegoing day. My son owns a very beat up old 3/4 ton truck that is ok for work but not good enough to bring home his woman and babe. They desperately need a car but his fledgling business hasn’t made him very well off so far. And some of his choices haven’t been the wisest in hindsight. He owns a very nice 2000 Ninja motorbike but it is not good baby transportation either and he has had no luck so far selling it so he can buy a car. So if anyone has a great car – Annette would like an automatic- for only a few thousand dollars or to trade for a bike let me know!

The soccer game started at 3:00. I had to be there at 2:00 to sell admission tickets but I think that is one fundraiser that flopped. I only sold 3 and the other seller sold about 10. That sure won’t send them to nationals in Nova Scotia if they win the playoffs. They won today’s match and so are tied for first place with Regina Queen City. Next weekend will be a huge match. As big as the world cup for these girls. Sara says she is already nervous for next Saturday.

Today started out absolutely perfect. A clear blue sky, warm and quiet. Swinging in my lawn swing on the deck with a cup of coffee and a bagel. Working on some poetry in the early morning, reading and talking to God. It was great.

I had to spend some time restocking the larders and then made a quick trip up to the hospital to see my kids before heading off to Saskatoon with Sara and her teammate for a league game. I got to listen to my music since the girls fell asleep. That is one of my favorite things to do too – drive and listen to music that I like.

It was HOT sitting in the shade watching that game – even for 4:00pm it was hot. Sara was on the field the whole game. It’s a wonder no one passed out.

After the game we all went to Boston Pizza thinking that they would have good air conditioning. Whew, it was hot in that place and it took us two hours to get served and eat. Sure went through the free refills on the iced tea. The girls are all supposed to eat healthily – no pop. Funny how a coach can get them to do that and follow his orders even when he is not watching! Mothers don’t get allowed to dictate that kind of stuff and be obeyed! Not fair.

Looking forward to tomorrow. Worship practice, church, drive kid to work, lend car to kids to bring baby home from hospital, to soccer game where I have to do my job of selling tickets, somewhere in there lunch. Going to be good when and if I get home in the evening.

I just came back from the hospital. My kids are doing fine and my grandson is the most beautiful kid in the world. Sorry all you other parents and grandparents who thought you had good looking kids. This one is pretty special to me. And a pretty special gift to two kids who just about a year and a half ago had to say goodby to their first son after only two days. Annette’s comment about Kieran -“He’s perfect” Link 1Kieran, closer , 2Kieran, Don’t bother me now ,3Kieran, He’s perfect ,4Kieran,Dad’s pride and you can see Kieran too.